Well I am happy to report that my D14 returned home from the hospital last Friday night after spending 10 days there.
SHE IS MUCH BETTER.......THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS, THOUGHTS and PRAYERS.
I never thought I would be a proponent of children being on "mood altering" drugs but I can see a "marked difference in my daughter since she has started AD's. I just wish that she had been on them for a couple of weeks prior to going to the hospital. It is possible that we may have avoided that whole thing.
I can see that she is still on the "rollercoaster" however the dips are not so deep and the peaks are not too high. She is finding while she cannot totally escape the "ups" and "downs" in life, she can make it through and still be happy........
a lesson we all learn in TIME.
As for my XW, I have found that my anger with her has subsided substantially. I can see that with regards to my children I was "looking" at her far too much. I was sitting in the theatre, drink and popcorn in hand watching the MLC movie play.
I found that I have had to "let go" of yet another expectation I did not realize I had.........that is the expectation that somehow my XW will at least "act" in the best interest of our children........
NOT SO........duh.
The other thing that I have come to realize AGAIN, is that I absolutely have to let the relationship just "BE" with my D14 and my XW.
I am no longer going to "advise" my XW on what she "should" be doing to "re-establish" her relationship with HER daughter. I got the following email from her yesterday.....
XW.......Do you think it would be okay to text D14?
Me........I think it is okay for you to try to contact your daughter. I do not know how she will respond or if she will respond at all.
XW......OK, Thanks!!!
That was all I said. I can see from her question and response that she might view me as the "gate keeper" to her daughter.
If she tries what I say to do and it does not work......I get blamed.
If I say that it is not a good idea to do or say a certain thing and there is no reconciliation..........I get blamed.
The more involved I am then the more I risk getting blamed.
Basic rule number one in dealing with MLC..........get out of the way!!!!
Amazing how simple the advice is..........duh!!!
A special thanks to Grace and Ian for sharing your experiences and perspectives.
AJM, I hope that your D16 will come around......FWIW my daughter just wants to feel worthy of her mother's efforts. Even if your D16 is not responding I think it is important to let her know that you think of her daily.
Grit and Ken, I want to also thank you for sharing how you felt as a child. I know my daughter feels isolated and alone at times.....at least she is reaching out. I do see my son is internalizing it and try to be his "safe place" everyday.
To all,
I hope that my story can help you and where you at in the storm that you find yourself in....while I did not save my marriage I did save myself (with a little help ) and "saving yourself first" is the very best thing you can do for yourself....ever!!
Always, always remember......
Life is Good and it is Good to be Alive!!!
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
) and "saving yourself first" is the very best thing you can do for yourself....ever!!