You are still SMOTHERING her! Enough with the pics, videos, and invites!!!
I agree, but my reasoning is a bit different
The increase contact initiated by me started with the intent to show her kindness in her time of need.
This unfortunately led to me becoming more attached and my good intentions turned to selfish ones. This is what started to cause my uncomfort.
Like I said, I agree that I need to back off. If she misses me as a result, it will be a side benefit. Right now, I need to do it so I can get my mind back together.
Oh, and I also agree that I am a great guy
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Your "smothering" behavior started long before her "time of need." I'm calling "b.s." on your intentions here; you saw her weak and vulnerable, and that appealed to the "shining knight" in you, and you wanted to swoop in on your white horse and slay her pain.
I get that. Heck, I AM YOU in so many ways.
But it doesn't work. Look around the forum, and show me where that sort of behavior is working. Fairly or unfairly (and I happen to think it's the latter), a wayward or walkaway wife sees what you are doing as weak, smothering, and UNATTRACTIVE.
In fact, if she were to be honest with you, it P*SSES HER OFF.
I'm glad you didn't make the mistake I did by telling your W that you miss her. That didn't go so well for me.
You are right about pulling back. Let her miss you CS.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Country - It's hard, I know. I fall back into sending too many pics, sharing too many stories, and letting the kids call too much.
Everyone is right, you know...you need to let W miss you AND the time she loses with you and your D. I've fallen into the habit of doing things as a "family" a lot, but he still leaves and goes out with OW/cake eating.
Sharing some pictures is good, but make her ask.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
W broke the silence this morning. She sent a pic and then a note about D. D all of a sudden stopped drinking milk, so it was about that. I replied about 30 minutes later with few words. "Cute. Ok will do."
I have D tonight and tomorrow.
My plan is to not initiate any texts, but only respond if W asks how D is doing or wants a pic.
It's basically going back to what I was doing before FIL's passing.
And so it goes...
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Thats all you can do Country. She knows about all the changes and knows how you have changed. If that is what she wants, she will let you know that she has had a change of heart and wants to R. Unfortunatley, the ball is in her court for the R but not for your life.
I like what 25 said in my thread. Basically, you are the author in your book of life. What are the next chapters going to be and who is writing them. Its all about you now CS.
If she believs the changes are real, she will come back. She would be crazy not to.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
My plan is to not initiate any texts, but only respond if W asks how D is doing or wants a pic.
Again with the pics!!!
Tell her if she wants to see her daughter, to stop running away from her family. Arrrggggg......
OK, don't really say that, but I think you should STOP making it so easy on her to do so. All of the pics and "cute little things that D is doing right now" is only enabling your wife to flee from her family.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment. The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind. The greatest patience is humility. The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
My plan is to not initiate any texts, but only respond if W asks how D is doing or wants a pic.
Good plan, except I would stop sending pics of D to her. the time you spend with your D is your time. All this sharing of pics is really nothing more than you staying atteched to her.
Stop the pic sending to her for a month and see how she reacts. Has this been working for you?
Quote:
I will simple back away slowly and let her have her life she has chosen.
While I build the life I chose for myself.
ore to back what I said above. She chose to leave the family life and all that goes with it. INCLUDING PICTURES OF D WHEN YOU HAVE HER!
You should only be discussing things that pertain to Ds well being.
I know it's hard, it took me awhile to get to the "point". But honestly, it's your best shot at saving your M.
Drop the rope, define your N.U.T.S. and start living your life the way you want to. Stop being the "nice" guy. Start being a man who knows what he wants. Don't put up with people you treat you badly, starting with your W.
gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
