So it’s been a few days, so I thought I would journal. I did spend a good portion of the weekend waiting around for him to need my assistance. I tried to get a few things done around the house, while I was waiting, but if I ran out of things to do and was just sitting around I checked in with him and then left. He could call me if he needed something. All totaled it probably took us half an hour of accumulated talks to divide up the stuff that we weren’t sure about, so he was just jerking my chain with the part about needing me nearby. Oh well. I had to go back to work, and stopped by to see him yesterday after work, but he was out. The missing truck with only a few items remaining looked peculiar, so I don’t know what he’s doing. He did say he’d be leaving today, so I left him a note wishing him a safe trip home. I nearly cried at the idea of his leaving, though I haven’t been able to cry in over a year, and I’m glad that I didn’t have to say goodbye face to face. My heart is breaking. His heart is breaking. It’s just horrible to think about, much less see.
I realize that I don’t "want" a divorce. I do "need" a partner who wants to be a real partner. I also want the intimate marriage with the nice life that he’s always talking about us having someday.He is full of “someday” promises and he is in complete denial about the verbal abuse. As long as I’m wishing he’ll get help, deal with the real problems, and stop being nasty to me, I may as well be wishing for a unicorn in a marshmallow field under clouds that rain glitter.
