For what it's worth, I think this incident could have illuminated a way out of Denver's personal hell.
As terrible as the whole evening has been at least it has brought some clarity to the situation. In addition to the awful pain, I imagine it must be a bit of relief to be done with the gaslighting.
Ms. Denver seems to have used her righteous anger to justify stringing Denver along and periodically abusing him. I can completely relate to why, on some level, Denver may feel that going along with that for awhile was a kind of amends he was making for his failures in the marriage. In my view that can be put to an end now.
Denver should not have gone into her space the way he did and no doubt she will focus on that in the short term to allay her guilt, but I don't think there's any doubt she knows she also has behaved badly here. In my opinion, every word Denver says now will just delay the day she puts her head in her hands and says 'what have I done?'.
I think he has two viable choices now. He can either confess right away that he didn't mean what he said, agree it was a major backslide, he was needy and controlling and he needs more time to sort himself out. In other words, be honest with her. Or, my preferred option, follow through. Stop talking, get the lawyers involved, be slow and deliberate and close the door. But don't lock it. Just as he said he would do. I think anything else comes off as manipulative.
I think if he leaves her alone, files, and solidifies himself, she may well come back. Just my take.
I empathise deeply with your situation Denver, I'll explain why when I have more time (in a criminal trial myself right now) and I'm wishing you the best.
