Where is the line?

[thatgirl007]

Thanks, guys! I try to positive. I've already been at rock bottom and there's really nowhere to go but up. For anyone who is reading this and feels devastated by their M and the things that have occurred in their relationship - you can get back up! There's a life to be lived, even though it might feel craptastic today, life really does keep moving along and you'll be happy again. Trust me, I was on the bathroom floor, all snot-faced and weeping, completely devastated and wandering around in a fog for weeks after things went south in my M, but here I am today, happy to be me and wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world.

So, back to my sitch. I went dark for a few hours yesterday and H went bananas. We had a bit of a breakthrough in that he opened up his mouth and started talking. So, I found out a few things:

1.) He let me read the texts and emails and visit his profiles. They were dated several months ago around the time that he left me. And in them, he was actually telling the chick that he wasn't over me and couldn't hook up with her. In my haste to not read his crap, I missed all of that. So, all of this stuff was from the initial period where he left in October.

2.) He told me that he is not over me and doesn't think he ever will be, that he doesn't want either of us to see other people and that he wants to continue to work on the R. He told me that he's been working toward his personal goal of getting back in my good graces with the intention of moving back in with me in October when I move. None of this did he bother to share with me, mind you.

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So, I told him I would also like to work on our marriage, but I will not do it without the following:

1.) Counseling. He was in IC, but stopped a few months ago. He needs to work on his issues and we need to figure out how to communicate more effectively.

2.) Transparency. No hidden accounts, etc. Facebook official, or nothing at all.

3.) Acceptance. I told him, you married a fat chick and so your wife is fat. If I lose weight or don't lose weight, you need to be okay with who I am and support goes a long bit further than judgment ever has.

So, I'm gonna stick to my guns. GAL, no pursuing, but I will respond to being pursued and I will be open to reconciliation if he can stick to the boundaries I've established. And I still won't make any major decisions until October.

I'll keep you all posted.