My sons prayer.....

[RedNailPolish]

Dinner didn't go so well

I didn't have PMA at all. I was sick and had a bad attitude. 

We talked about work mainly. And then he could obviously sense my disscomfort. He said you don't want to be here. I said I was sick. But he could tell it was more than that. No academy awards for me tonite.  

During the night I also told him that I didn't like being lied to (in reference to his credit card). He said he didn't lie - technically. Whatever he lied. Then at the end of the night I said that i was upset that he told S3 about us seperating and how he didn't live with us anymore. I said that if he thought it wad time to tell S3 then he should have discussed it with first. That we should have told him together. S3 was very upset when he told me about this. For a little boy he is very perceptive - aren't they all. 

Then to add cherry on top of a great evening, as H is putting S3 into the car S3 starts crying and says I want u to come home daddy. Pls come home.

The evening had not gone well at all. So I decided to call H. I apologised for my bad mood and told him why I was upset. I said I was upset because he was only seeing S3 for an hour this week. I was upset because he had told MIL that  I had given him the indication that I was moving on. I told him there and then that I had not moved on that I wanted it to work between us. That I wasn't hopeful that we would reconcile tomorrow but that in the future maybe. He said that I had no idea how much I had hurt him. That he thought i probably saw it as "not a big deal" (he is referring to being kicked out of the house). He said it really hurt his confidence. I said I didn't know but I was sorry he felt that way. I ended the conversation by saying I hoped to continue the dinners and talks. He said he did too. 

Here's the thing. I read somewhere that if H was having an affair and was in MLC the I should be doing the LRT. But I just now realized that whenever we have had a fight my natural instict is to go dark. I always and I mean always wait for him to apologise first, even if it's not his fault entirely. I'm stubborn stupidly stubborn. Can anyone say princess syndrome. So have I been doing this all wrong?

I also read somewhere that someone else, even when their H was having an affair and a MLC did a 180 and pursuid instead of LRT? The thought of doing this makes me so nervous but I think that's the whole point because it's not what I would normally do. I have never pursuid. I have always been pursuid. Always had the guys chasing me. So now what do I do? how do I do this if there is a OW in the scene?

Please people respond.....this is a BIG breakthrough for me to realise this. If you have any experience in doing this pls let me know as I would not know where to begin. I don't want to come off looking desperate.