It's Over

[25yearsmlc]

you sure do say too much. And

Can you please stop apologizing?


It's "worthless" per HER words, and it's not fair, and it's not attractive, and it's not working...

and do you need any more reasons?

geezus rice...

From where I sit, you're not a bad catch.

So knock off the prone position and do what you told that idiot on the toilet...

"Man up", hold your head high and let her stew in her anger...

I hoped you two would 'retreat" after all these bombs but she launches them again, and you take them...why are you guys even talking or texting each other?

either file or don't. But stop taking her calls. Stop all the contact except for ss.

Like I said, he's your way back to her, BUT also, he counts on you and it's the right thing to do anyhow.

For now, let her go. Seriously, let her go. She has to feel free to be able to "see" you. Do you get that?

She (and you) need to be free from each other for some amount of time.
You're both too in the fog to see.

She cannot see clearly, she's in a fog of anger, and you keep falling on your sword. That OVER validates her anger.

I don't know how much of a jerk you were, but enough already.

She probably IS angry that you seem like a nice guy NOW, b/c some other woman will benefit and that drives her crazy...
LET IT DRIVE HER CRAZY...she needs to see you in a new light.

back off...no more talking at all....

Can you do the following, which was of immense help to me...

For a chunk of time, say 3 days or a week (preferably a month, but it's you& I'm being realistic)...

SHELVE THE PAIN AND ANGER AND NEED TO TALK...you can't bill her for your time!!

But you do seem to have a need to get the last word in and I recognize that as a trait in MOI...or it's the L in us...point is, shut up, okay?

Just STHU....it's SO not helping your cause...ever....she won't let you get the last word in anyhow!!

Okay so here's what happened to us a few years back. Take what you will from this.

As h was preparing to leave us and the marriage, for the Last Frontier, he had a conference in Palm Springs for 4 days, about 2-3 months before his departure day, which for me was our divorce day.

I saw his pending departure as pretty much a fatal to the m act, on his part...since he'd be living 3000 miles away. A bit much.

H Wanted me and d's to go and have a 'mini vacation with him to Palm Springs. What??

This seemed fake and insane to me. Also felt that it would "reward" h or seem like all was well and that he'd get the wrong impression.

Almost felt that I should always show my pain to him, OR he might think it was alright now, or he'd take advantage, get worse, repeat the behavior, etc. (Like your w??)

Somehow a brilliant divine or DB idea replaced my idiocy and instead, I chose to make the trip a good one for the girls b/c it was going to be our last chance to make some good memories. I wanted this for them. And I wanted to be able to be in the same car/room with h and not discuss decisions, or have any fights or any "talk"...Nothing bad for four days. There was nothing that could not wait those days anyhow.

I thought I would try to give h something to miss. But how? I was so angry and in my mind/heart, I was right. (Well in truth, I WAS right...but that's not relevant to the story)

So for four days I chose to SHELVE THE ANGER...just not deal with it for the 4 days. I figured I could always be mad again later...(sadly, this comforted me greatly at the time )

For four days, I did NOT see his negatives/irritating issues and I simply would NOT think about the future pain of his departure OR the past injuries I had been nursing...

No sarcasm from me (ME!!) and the negatives were simply STOPPED in their tracks and replaced with neutrals or positives. Like instead of thinking "H is a nerd and lecturing again" I saw his intelligence, and felt gratitude for what he was teaching d's.

I just saw him as positively as possible, for FOUR days...and after 2 days, it began to feel kind of true. I began to FEEL more love for him and less crap. HE also began to react differently.

The kids had a great time and I remember Palm Springs so fondly b/c of that.

Point is, we got a glimpse of what forgiveness might look like.

Someday maybe you guys can do that.

FOR NOW my story's point is the temporary part for you to focus on, the "for ONE WEEK" can you NOT say anything to her?

For ONE WEEK, can you stop all this nonsense? It's really beneath you. AND it does validate her reasons for leaving. It makes you look abusive in her mind.

for SEVEN DAYS can you shelve the crazy interactions, completely, and only speak to SS and NOT about her?

B/C you have to.

You want to look good in her eyes? I don't know if that's possible now. It might be someday after many more months of you NOT reacting to her.

This is a setback. But it reveals her too...she isn't indifferent to you but she is SO angry that I don't believe YOU can change that as much as space and time can...

So let her go. Don't look back for a chunk of time. Be with SS now and then or however you should, and pretend she's in the Austrailian outback.

You might even decide to date, I don't know.

But in time she will see you differently. That's a fact. When you step back and leave her alone,

you'll have a better chance. H was 3000 miles away and I missed him. We'd see each other now and then b/c he visited the girls.

Those times are when you'll show the continued 180s and still new you, and in between, you really will have a life so she will not matter as much.

Where the head goes, the heart will follow IF YOU LET It....