Unfortunately she turned into a ferret again (wereferret?) in her last email, with loverly quotes like "Just know that if you expect this to work out, you have a hellacious amount of convincing me to do. I do not think it is possible that I will ever want this to work out, at this point." ... which, you know, ALMOST sounds like a tiny thread of positive, except that she followed with "As far as I'm concerned, I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to get emails from you. Maybe someday in the future we can be friends again, but there are huge bridges that will have to be rebuilt and wounds that will have to heal before that will be possible. Right now, I just want to be in a place where you can't hurt me any more, whether you intend to or not."
Ow ow ow. This theme of unintentional hurt is a common one with W--things like me saying "wow, that'd be cool; I'd be so jealous" when she suggested she try out for community theater and her internalizing that as a horrible slap so that she would never try out, after all, it MADE ME JEALOUS.
Wut? But pointing out this seemed overly sensitive was remarkably unwise.
Man oh man. And when I said I would be faithful to her during the separation and she said "I will NOT promise that!"? Her recent email: "I am incredibly proud of my own behavior over the last month, right down to the refusing to promise my fidelity during the breakup. You may not be happy with it, but I am, and this is the sort of behavior I hope to continue, since it's basically standing up for myself."
Man, I got no idea how to respond here. I feel like the early comments mean I should try and find some way to convince her, but I can't see any way in which I can.
Dang MLC... everything's about her "independence"; she even said she didn't want to move in with her best friend because she didn't want to be in any relationship more intimate than casual friends because she can't stand the effect it has on her.
She's pretty screwed up. She really needs some SERIOUS independence to both give her a reality check and/or build up her self-esteem. But she can't do that while being supported by a monthly paycheck from me, and the only way she won't get a monthly paycheck from me is well past D, which I still don't want, although after a lot of this I'm getting closer...
