[LITB]

Thanks for dropping in 2step.

I would say stop taking temp checks on your W it is like constantly looking for ways to hurt yourself because we get the answer we should expect but don't want to hear.

You are absolutely right. This was the first time I did this since the W moved out on March 25th. Needless to say lesson learned.

I learned that my W still has so much built up resentment that she needs a lot of time to even begin to forgive me. Whenever she decided she was unhappy, she lasered in on every negative thing she could think of about me. She backtracked to the beginning.

Back to doing what I was doing before taking her temp, along with giving her additional space.

Why are you doing all the "right things"?

Because you want a certain outcome?

We all want the same thing or at least we start wanting the same thing but if we do not do them for the right reason then eventually our true colors will shine through because the changes are not real.

I am not saying we need to make all the changes as LBS but we can only work on ourselves. In the long run if you ever want a healthy R with your W she will have to look in the mirror also.

I know many of my changes were originally with the intent of saving my M. What I have found is that they are changes that needed to be made and I’m happy with the new LITB.

My W has taken notice and says that she is happy for the kids, but it makes her angry that it took her having to D me to get me to change. There isn’t anything I can do about her feelings or the past, but to continue being positive and living my life.

Feeling angry?

We have the right to feel angry.

I think sometimes we forget that. After all they walked out on us.

You are right again. I had put any negative feelings on a shelf and there they sat until last week.

Right now, being a full-time single parent, there isn’t much time for myself to process my own feelings. Perhaps by me starting to work about an hour away beginning tomorrow will give me time to do some additional reflecting.

More from yesterday:
During our convo, I told her that I was sorry about the past. If I could go back in time to fix everything, I would. Unfortunately I can’t and I can only keep improving from this day forward. I also told her that I didn’t need her in my life, but want her in my life. Only if she wants to be in my life though.

There was plenty said. One of the main points the W said is that she feels that sometimes I forget for how long she was unhappy for. I don’t forget. I just didn’t know. That’s another thing that she mentioned. She doesn’t understand how I didn’t know how unhappy she was.

I’m all over the place. Time to call it a night.