Forgive or else...what?

[AJM80]

I thought about it today and remembered that you didn't have an OW in your situation. I think that's where I struggle off and on with some really intense feelings - the health risks he took, the betrayal, the neglect of me/us because he was too busy (even though he eventually found time to make it work with her), the ongoing possibility that she'd be around my kids/at life events. My H dragged me around with school and moving and job changes, like yours, then progressed to a PA to "blow up our unhappy relationship".

Honestly though, I struggle with the unfairness of it all. My parents always said life isn't fair. But they really tried to keep things fair between my siblings and I. So why do our husbands get to act all crazy and then be forgiven? Even he doesn't think he deserves a second chance.

I know forgiveness is the right path and it's a gift you give to yourself as much as to the person you forgive.

My grandmother was married to a serial cheater - she had a very large family with him before she finally kicked him out (he moved in with woman he already had at least 1 kid with and eventually married her). As she aged and dealt with dementia, her anger at him came back and she had some flash back type episodes. I promised myself as soon as this happened that I would do whatever I could to NOT be bitter and angry. That I would try to make good, careful decisions.

Does your H appreciate and realize what you've done for your relationship? Do you feel validated for what you went through to get to where you are? Are you able to fight now and then have it be calm/blow over? Do you feel secure and safe in your relationship, now that some time has passed(not taking it for granted, of course)?