You're not truly "contesting" it in the sense that you cannot stop it. The marriage is no longer something both parties have to agree to (remember on the show "Dallas" where Joan Collins would say "I won't GIVE you a divorce!"? well today, it's the state that grants them so all someone who opposes the divorce can do, legally, is slow it down some, fyi)
Were you sort of pursuing him when you told him about the Legal costs? I mean, why'd you even tell him?
Just seems like a way to trigger a fight (or to scare him-backfires) but at least you guys prayed.
As I said, and I assume Laurie, you cannot keep challenging and arguing with him. It's a form of pursuit-the whole discussion of money for Lawyers just reminds him of your spending baggage...plus, You're cornering him into action, (so he filed), and that helps cement his choices.
Back way off please. NO R TALK...
and remember, (but don't say this to him!)
that 1/3 of divorces filed, never get finalized.
so who knows?
But Do NOT PANIC as it is destructive to you and your cause. It's not attractive and it's a bad idea. Get a grip, take a breath. Know that there is nothing you can say right now, that will change his mind. Nothing. No secret sentence will fix this. So back off and give him the feeling of being free and un-attached...why? So he can start examining his choices without someone saying "WHY are you doing this??"
BTW, my DB coach told me that questions beginning with "how can you do...?" or "Why are you doing...?" are structured for the person hearing it, to feel defensive. So avoid questions like that.
A good example is the question you asked about how you two can afford lawyers...I know why you said it, but still, it just made him feel defensive, so that made him take the offense and it reminded him of how much you spent...and that's why there were no vacations, etc....it completely backfired on you. Do you see this?
When your h feels free and unemcumbered and not "trapped"....he'll have the space and room to really look around and say, "gee, maybe the grass is greener where it gets the most water..."
He may have to divorce to feel that, but he may not. IF YOU BACK OFF enough...we'll see.
As for cake eating and those choices re; sex, you decide. Don't let others tell you what to do. It's incredibly personal.
But let's talk about DBing b/c you skimmed over some stuff that is really important... What are your 180s? And what are your GAL activities? Any mystery possible?
Oh, and you have Not told him about DB right? Please don't.
They are never "convinced" by a book you hand them, and the WASs usually feel manipulated if they see the DB books, so your changes won't be trusted or seen as real...and it's key that he believes your changes are real.
Do you get that? He has to believe your marriage can be better, and that means he must believe in the changes you are making. NOT saying you are doing, but actually changes you are making... These 180s and GAL activities matter a great deal. Do not underestimate this.
Keep posting!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
