back again

[any chance?]

I am truly trying to detach, but I am on a rollercoaster of emotions. The suddenness with which my W has cut me out has my head spinning. It is as if SHE has gone dark. Is this how a WAW deals with the split - out of signt, out of mind, out of picture?

The main problem is she has been depressed for a long time, and I am concerned about her. I don't know if she hiding out in a closet, balling her eyes out, or is out on the town living it up, happy that I am gone.

Trying to detach, but caught in a tumbler of emotion.

What to do?

[~ kd ~]

ummm... yes... at least in my case this happened...

not real, real quick, but there was a lot of "we should be a family over christmas" to, very quickly, I'm deleted and blocked from f/b, I'm not allowed to do anything nice for family at house, I'm not allowed in house, I'm not to know anything about W, blah, blah...

Yeah, I snooped and shouldn't have (not real good for us) which helped spur that along. But in the same token, she was dark... very... very... dark...

What to do? Well... You know the answer to that one. I'll give you a hint. G... A... L...

[jbnati]

AC, one thing I've noticed we have in common is our Ws are dealing with depression. Unfortunately, it adds an extra dimension to this. I think we are the last ones in the world to get them to get help. I think in my case my W believes are M is the direct cause for her depression, and doesn't see the need to get help. In my case it's hard to tell whether it's a clinical depression, situational, or a combination of the two. In my case, I think it may be a combination of the two.

The good news is a lot of the techniques are the same in DB'ing, as far as detaching and GAL'ing. I think it just makes it more of an uphill battle. Hopefully by getting some space your W will seek out some help.

[any chance?]

My current work trip is flying by, and I will be back home in less than a week. Have not been in touch with W other than 2 fleeting emails. Going back home makes me very anxious. Part of me says I am going back to a confused woman with issues that need time and care to work out. Part of me says I am headed back to an angry woman with her mind firmly made up and just waiting to finalize the D and bolt forever.

Quite the seesaw. Wish I knew how to act!

[jbnati]

You're probably going back to all of the above.

I don't blame you for being anxious about going back home. Been there for sure. I went out of town back in April. I can guarantee you I took my time getting home.

Your best initial approach is likely to act "as if" you have given her some space and that space has helped.

[Timetotry]

Your best initial approach is likely to act "as if" you have given her some space and that space has helped.

I agree completely with JB. In the DB book, MWD came back from a trip not sure on how to act and did the 'as if' and it worked.

I tried it out this weekend myself and it worked. As I was driving closer to my house with my stomach turning NOT wanting to get there, I figured why not try that approach, it can't be any worse than walking into a miserable/angry person. It threw my H off and we all had a pleasant day.

[any chance?]

Thanks, guys. I will try to focus this week, and prepare for the return. Please excuse the continual seesaw!

[♪CS♪]

Wish I knew how to act!

You had a GREAT trip!

You figured some stuff out, you're excited about the future.

Don't say it.

Be it.

[any chance?]

Thanks to everyone for listening. You all mean quite a bit to me, to be sure.

Trip is over in a few days. W has been trying to get ahold of me, and I keep missing her. Not trying very hard, as I think she needs time to contemplate. She called the place I am staying last night, and the owner told me she called. Owner is a fried of mine who knows the sitch and said 'it is a good sign she called'. That pumped me up a bit, thinking W might actually be missing me. Then this morning I realized she was probably just calling to make sure I would be around for an appt with her lawyer. All speculation, but an interesting insight into the psychological rollercoaster I am on. I hate this.

I am becoming massively anxious about going home. Kind of wish I didn't have to, and it would all just go away.

[any chance?]

My 2.5 week trip is drawing to a close. Most of it has been with scant contact with W, as if she did not want to talk to me. The last few days have been marked by a few emails and attempted phone calls from her - I have only be answering as need be.

Today she phoned and we connected. I had been convincing myself that she was only calling to set up a meeting with her L, or out of guilt. Still don't know if it was out of guilt, but the conversation was light, although a bit strained at times, and I even got a few laughs out of her with my stories.

She has not moved out of the house yet. She talks about the house and yard as if it is her home, not like she is going to be leaving soon. I wish I knew what it all meant.

I know I am trying to read her mind, which is impossible. I am trying to GAL and LRT as much as possible.

The signals are confusing, to say the least. I guess I have to have patience and still assume WAW is on the way out the door. Need to do that for self preservation.

I hate this.