As 25 has suggested, and I apologize my narrow focus on SS21, the point to the tirade was not about SS21 and independent living, so much as it was specifically about your wife's apparent indifference (which could change back to normal any time) and how this might affect SS21.
IOW, what she is doing is not harmful to SS21, but it's not helpful, either. And that is exactly what we look at here regarding DB. Always asking the question, "Will it help or will it hurt the stich?"
May I submit that finding or developing a support network for SS21 will be helpful to EVERYONE in your sitch...
But that's just my opinion.
In the end, be the best you can, as I know you will.
