Where is the line?

[thatgirl007]

2step - thanks for the lengthy reply! Yes, I have been very good at GAL. I am pretty happy with my life as it stands right now. I have many, many good things going on

Here are my answers to your questions.

Can you live your life for you? Yes.

Without him in it? I am not sure. If it has to be that way, then I will be fine.

Where your decisions have NOTHING to do with him? I am gradually getting to the point where I am not considering him in the decisions that I make. It's taking more time than I would like, but more things are coming up and I have to decide what to do and can't take him into consideration.

Can you live and have zero expectation of what he will do/say/think? Yes, I can do this.

What are his complaints?

1.) That he wants me to lose weight.
2.) That he feels like the bad guy because of his actions and wants a clean slate.

What have you done to address them?

1.) Nothing. I have lost weight, but I refuse to do it for him or under his watch. He has no idea how much weight I have lost, about my fitness classes, what I am eating, etc. I don't want to be under his scrutiny in this regard any longer. And I have a lifelong struggle with weight, I can't stay in a marriage with him where everything is contingent on how much I weigh. It would be my first-class ticket to misery. I'm just taking care of myself.

Furthermore, I am not sure that this isn't mostly something that he's glommed onto to use as an excuse for his desire to wander from the M. He has admitted as much to me. He is confused and one minute I am beautiful and nothing needs to change and the next he is judgmental and distant. And he's admitted that everything I needed to do to be a good wife, I've done and there is nothing that he can complain about except my weight.

2.) I've really bent over backwards in this area, taking him up to my family and friends, not shoving the infidelities in his face or even bringing them up at all, treating him well, etc, making sure that when he's with me, he doesn't feel bad. This had been to my own detriment at times, because he nonchalantly walks along and I have to keep a lot of my pain/hurt/anger inside so that he won't be perceived as the "bad guy".


You love him correct? Yes.

What have you seen in the mirror? Honestly, what I have seen in the mirror is a woman who has given 150% to her M, a woman who has loved, honored, cherished and obeyed to the max. If anything, I could be meaner, colder, less understanding or more judgmental, but those are not traits that come naturally to me. I am naturally forgiving, naturally soothing, naturally nurturing. I haven't nagged. I've adapted each and every time he's come up with something new or taken on a new hobby. I was the wife who was ready and willing to have sex three times a day when he was on that tangent early in our marriage. I've supported his decisions and worked with him to make his dreams come true, I'm even doing that today as I pore over the implementation of a merchant gift card program for his new business.

Am I perfect? No. I could lose weight. I could be harder and less sensitive. I could not care as much as I do. But I am a dang good wife.