Harrier

[Harrier]

Okay I figured out why I'm peeved. Because when she brought up the whole separation thing, I asked her 'How will things change between us? Will there still be affection, should we sleep in the same bed, will you still try to spend time with me?" Her answer "Nothing will change." Well things have changed and it kinda hits me a little.

I get what you are saying totally. H3ll, I figured this out before you took an interest in my case. I knew I need to change my mindset on my W. This was pre-separation. Thinking negatively is quite frankly the lazy way. i know this. I know, I know - NOW DO IT.

But I do think you have an inaccurate view of me. A sullen, angry man who pouts around the house when he doesn't get a kiss. Wrong. 90% of the time I'm fairly happy. I take a lot of pleasure in my kids; I still make my wife laugh a lot.

But I am not the guy I once was. I was much happier, easy going and my W liked that about me. I don't feel like me at times.

You are right I cannot fake it. I can't. That's a limitation of myself and I know that. So I have to find a way around that.

I do want to address something though. Last year my W's job was a huge issue for me. It was her first full-time job post PhD. i was less than supportive and it was a huge issue between us - as big as the snooping and reactions issue. I worked hard to change my attitude about it. Over a couple of weeks, I've was able to change my approach to it and how I reacted to it. That was 7 months ago, that was a change I made and a change that lasted. it's not an issue between us now.

Did you ever go through an EA with your H? I am struggling with it and it drives much of these issues. I mean if the OM suddenly died, I'm pretty sure the snooping would stop. I am talking to our MC about it Thursday.


BTW,I never said "external stimuli prevents my happiness and I am not responsible for how I feel or act" discussions." In fact i said the opposite.

I bring it up not to excuse my actions, but to understand them.

I look at it like this. Before law school, I was a reporter. Now, many reporters will tell you. I have no bias or I'm completely objective. It's BS. I always said, I am a reporter and I do have biases. If I pretend I don't I won't recognize when they sneak their way into my writing. If I acknowledge, I can confront them in my reporting. Now, I'm as liberal as it gets. Because I know of this bias it allowed me to watch for it. To the point where during elections - both parties would compliment me on my even handedness during the race.

Same goes for happiness. If I pretend there are no external stiumli, I will fail. If I acknowledge them, it can be helpful to my overall goal. That's my point for bringing them out.

Overall thanks though.

Would it surprise you to know I don't do courtroom work? It's funny in my work life I basically follow the DB principles.
So it's not like it's impossible for me.