DeliquentGurl - this is definitely not how I intend to live the rest of my life. I am unwilling to remain in the situation as it stands and I refuse to be married to the man that he is today.
BeTheMan - I understand and I appreciate your insight.
I guess I am still not ready to throw in the towel, but I am much closer to that than I have ever been. What DeliquentGurl said about consequences for his actions strikes home to me. I thought my pain and the destruction of us was consequence enough, but apparently not. And if he's unwilling to truly change, then we can't be married.
I'm going to stick to my one year rule. I told myself when he left in October, I would wait a full year before making any major decisions. In October, I move out of the apartment that we'd leased together (even though I live there alone) and into a place of my own, it's also our 13-year anniversary that month. Hopefully, that time will bring better clarity for me.
But today, I will stop giving him any of the benefits that he would have as a husband. No dates, no constant communication and no sex. I will be friendly and cordial, but draw the line in the sand. My options are limited.
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
