Detach Dog

[Redo]

A few moments really got me this weekend. I stayed with friends and when his whole family was getting dinner ready and laughing and joking. It really hit me. I will never have my family back to share moments like this. But again, it came in and then i pushed it out.

9 I can really understand how hard these moments must have been. I read somewhere on these forums that you are not a man unless you have had your heart crushed once. Hope you are feeling better now.

[ninelives]

Yes there were moments that I didnt want. Where she dominated my thinking again. Its getting better but I dont want to lie to anyone and say they are not there. I think I MISS her more than ever today however, what good is that? It is what it is though.

Just got back with dinner with my kids in the next town over. We had a lot of chuckles in the Chinese Restaurant, really silly stuff where my youngest almost choked from laughing so hard. He loves to laugh and I love to hear him laugh. We had a great meal together and then went shopping for odds and ends and then grocery shopping. I get so choked up when Im with my boys. Love them so much. Cant get enough of them.

We had some more stupid moments in the stores and they bought me a "happy birthday " hat that looked absolutely ridiculous and insisted I wear it for the rest of the night. They thought I was so embarrassed but they also know me better than that. I dont embarrass easy. It was still really fun.

Went and washed the car for the last bit of the evening , bought some Jiffy POp and going to watch a movie with the old style popcorn.

Should be fun. Then its back to reality tomorrow.

Despite the good times, there is still a rollercoaster going on inside of me at times but it will get better right?

Trying every technique I know to detach with mixed results. Having the boys as my focus really helped today though.

Well, back to the pool and the algae, Wish green was in for pools but apparently blue is the preferred color.

9

[BeTheMan]

I often experience moments when something makes me think fondly of the past with STBX. But then I realize that at many of those moments, her heart and soul weren't even there. I also admit to myself that she rarely has the same thing happen to her, and if she does, her memories aren't nearly as warm. As soon as I realize that, it makes it so much easier to forget the past and live in the present.

[ninelives]

At work and got by my first class. Teaching a football unit. Concentrating more on the job and less on her but she does still pop in there.

Ive got drum lesson tonight and also need to help son with Greece project. Right up my alley. ( that didnt sound good)

I am a little concerned that I may be in love with her forever. It doesnt sound like it but I am dealing with the business of living much better however, she still keeps popping up. I cant believe I would even consider taking her back after all that has happened but in truth, I think I would. But again , this is unproductive speculation.

Just one point I want to make. I am not obsessing about her but she does enter my thouhgts alot. At this point, my goal is to not let her know that I am thinking about her and not say anything to her about R talk. These are my baby steps for now.

The forgiveness is also there for her and my role in the breakup.

I hope by the end of the summer, detachment, real detachment has taken a foot hold. Only time will tell.

9

[~ kd ~]

I think that true detachment, like an addiction, is an ongoing, lifelong process.

[2stepboogie]

9

I can tell you one thing about detachment.

Don't set a time table as to when you think it should occur.

You will be disappointed every time.

Detachment just happens slowly and you will know when it comes.

Thinking about her?

I know what you mean and it is ok and normal.

Accept these thoughts for what they were.

A part of your history. A part of your life.

These thoughts should make you smile.

Feel it, embrace it, don't fight it and you will heal slowly.

It gets better then it gets worse and then it gets better again.

[ninelives]

Kafee and 2step. Thanks for the words today. Needed them and some more Im afraid.

Cant understand it. These damn emotions. Im not acting on them but damn, its really difficult today. Almost feel like I could cry. Miss every part of her right now, except the cheating part,

Faking it like crazy to my peers and students today. Plastered a smile on my face and appear to be cheerful but my god, what is going on?

Still was able to sleep last night and watch TV. When I cant do those things, thats when I know things are real bad. So im not panick stricken.

Maybe a subtle 2x4 could help me get on the right path again. I seem to sustain it for about 45 min at a time.

The next few hours should be better.

9

[25yearsmlc]

9,

Where the head goes, the heart will, eventually, follow.

You will NOT be "in love with her forever". I know this.

But you may miss what you once had, for a long time.

That's not the same.

You do control your thought process about your w.

You can take in new "data" to change the way you see her, b/c she has changed.

She is a different person now.

She MAY change back...and you'll know if she does.

She may not.

So keep your head on straight and on track, and you really will, feel differently. IN TIME, my friend, in time.

((( hugs )))

[ninelives]

Thanks so much 25. I was hoping you would chime in. Yes where the head goes the heart will follow. I have been saying that to myself almost like a mantra and it does seem to give me some comfort.

As you know from my posts, I am not a patient person. Im trying to develop it which should help me in all aspects of my life. Especially when dealing with my children as a single parent.

I so appreciate the little pick me up. I just got in from coaching rugby, hot today and that was a good distraction but seeing your name on the board also was a nice pick me up.

I dont know how I can repay your kindness and wisdom. You people here are amazing.

9

[25yearsmlc]

T
I dont know how I can repay your kindness and wisdom. You people here are amazing.

9

yep, So true...so true...

You'll make it. And you'll never know how crazy we all felt when we were in your shoes...

B/C we've had our time pass. Time passes for all of us, even you. You'll see.

But any mantra that helps --keep it! I had about 5 of them and man, I said them literally 100 times a day some days.

If you are a believer, try turning it over to God. Say it out loud (in the shower or where no one hears you so they don't "worry" about you)

And turn your pain over to Him, He can carry more than we can.