I need fast advice!

[kermitdfrog]

Thank you 25yearsmlc
Today I spoke to my husband on the phone because I am meeting with my lawyer for the first time tomorrow. I wanted an explanation as to how we are going to afford all of this with his business struggling. He said "We'll just deal with it" He said his lawyer said it should be simple. I told him I would be contesting it, not that I wanted to be difficult, but rather that I cannot say honestly, under oath, that our marriage is irretrievably broken. I said I hoped he could understand and respect that. I asked him how was he able to sign that statement, and I asked him if he really thought our marriage was impossible to fix. He didn't answer. But he seemed to get crabby after that. I said I wish he could have taken that money and spent it on a romantic vacation for us (we never did because I spent too much money- a definite problem in our marriage. But our counselor thinks I spent money to fill a void because my husband is a workaholic and doesn't spend enough time with me) My husband replied that he would have wanted to but didn't have the money. To which I replied "But we have it for a divorce?" It makes no sense. Anyway, although I know it wasn't wise, I went into a long talk about how I wish he would slow down, take the divorce off the table, and see how things progress. He said he doesn't trust me. I said how will he see if he doesn't try. I asked if he'd consider it, and he said he would. But I doubt he will. He asked to pray with me, and in the prayer asked God to "help us keep loving each other and do thy will" Can you believe that? Divorce is not God's will.
I really was doing well with not lecturing him, but I think that now the divorce has actually begun, I feel pressure. I'm "on the clock" so I feel panicky. I was doing ok while I hadn't received papers. I thought I had time.
I did hire a DB coach, Laurie, and spoke with her today. She was awesome. She gave me great advice as well as hope. She seemed encouraged by the fact that my husband seems to want to be with me. I just worry that he will get lonely and find someone else (I need to add that he is very handsome, and very sweet) Since he already had an affair, now that we are in the process of a divorce, maybe he feels single? Plus he doesn't have our weekends together and nightly phone calls. And does not have sex. (That remained active until he told me he wanted a divorce 7 weeks ago) So there could be the loneliness now.
I don't believe there is anyone else, simply because up until 7 weeks ago, we talked on the phone every night, he came home on weekends, spent Valentines Day and Christmas with me, etc. Plus our counselor thinks a lot of the reason he wants a divorce is because of not wanting to face his guilt and shame. His affair was so out of character. Having said that, I will never know for sure. He did have an affair, so he is capable of lying and sneaking around. I don't totally trust him. But I feel fairly certain there is no one else.
25yearsmlc, you have helped so much. Lots of great advice as well as hopeful comments. I really feel, if given enough time and NO NEW RELATIONSHIP, my husband would eventually come to his senses. But what I wonder is, if he truly was unhappy, what's to miss? Everyone says he will miss me, but will he if he wasn't happy?
The other huge challenge I have is that no matter how much I concentrate on strategies, etc, I get absolutely SWALLOWED UP by grief and sadness. Every song, restaurant, even certain foods at the grocery store, can make me cry. Including dating, we have been together nearly 30 years. Since college. I have an incredible amount of memories, and no matter how I try to feel angry at him, instead I just feel so much love for him, and so much sadness. I just want him back. The grief is unbearable. Laurie, my DB coach, said not to think about the future, only about today. Otherwise it will cause too much anxiety and my husband will see that.
So, anyway, wish me luck at the lawyer's. I feel like throwing up, because going to a lawyer makes it all so real. Divorce is something that only happens to other people. Not us. I am still in shock. But I have been given good advice from you, as well as Laurie.
Thanks so much.
Kermit