My sons prayer.....

[RedNailPolish]

Lorie, Im sorry to hear your D is sick. I hope she gets better soon. I just cant comprehend how H doesnt even call S3. Not to ask how he is doing, not to say goodnite or ask about preschool. Nothing! I know that this is all part of MLC but sometimes you have to wonder if they have a choice in the matter. I hear some Hs call their kids every day. Mine has never done that since he left. He only text me to tell me when he will be picking him up.

I dont know if I am doing everything wrong? Ive gone dim/dark whatever you want to call it. I dont call, email, text. I only respond very politely to what he asks. Im GAL. I look fantastic. I go to the gym most days. I just started baking. Im gone back to church. I pray every night. I look after S3. I play and do fun stuff with S3. I read and read some more. And now what?

Just wait for H to come to his senses? Wait for him to realise that the OW he's with is a psycho? Wait for him to realise that he screwed up the best thing that ever happened to him. Wait for him to realise that he is a selfish, arrogant, narcissistic man? Urrrrggghhh!!! I am so mad.

I guess I am at the anger stage huh? Not good. Im suppose to be meeting up with H and S3 for dinner tomorrow night. Dont want to go but as per previous post MIL thought it was a good idea to keep communication lines open. Still I dont want to go. I cant stand looking at him. I cant stand seeing him dressed in HUGO boss clothes, Tag Huer watch and driving in his expensive car. Meanwhile I keep a close eye on what I am spending and trying so desperately to save for a holiday for S3 and I. But he is going on his 3rd holiday with OW this weekend. Thats right his 3rd. And he has only been gone for 2mths. Yet when he was married to me he always said he had no time to go on holiday. Work was too demanding and he had deadlines etc. Urrrrgggghhh

I want to go to dinner and say "I hate you. I hate you for what you have done. What you are doing and what you are going to do. I hate that I dont recognise the man that you are. I hate that you have lost all integrity. I hate that you have no morals or values. I hate that everyone I know including your family have lost all respect for you. I hate that you allowed your d*ck to do the thinking and not your head or your heart. I hate that you have forgotten all that I have done for you. I hate that you have forgotten everything that we have been through together. I hate that you have forgotten everything that we stood for. I just hate you right now"

OK so I wont actually say any of that but I really want to. Instead Im going to have PMA. Smile and be friendly. Im going to listen and then listen some more. Im going to be mysterious and not devoulge too much about what I have been doing. And most of all Im going to care (or at least pretend to).

So whats comes after anger? And how long am I going to feel this way?