I know this is tough, and I get those same feelings. It is so frustrating to be a single parent when you never intended it to be that way. My D16 is sick too and the drama is crazy. When H was here we were able to calm her fears. She also believed everything her dad said and just thought I was dumb, guess what, now I'm just dumb and she's the smart one. Ugh! I hate it too. He just walked away from all his responsibilities, including being a parent.
Blessings,
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie, Im sorry to hear your D is sick. I hope she gets better soon. I just cant comprehend how H doesnt even call S3. Not to ask how he is doing, not to say goodnite or ask about preschool. Nothing! I know that this is all part of MLC but sometimes you have to wonder if they have a choice in the matter. I hear some Hs call their kids every day. Mine has never done that since he left. He only text me to tell me when he will be picking him up.
I dont know if I am doing everything wrong? Ive gone dim/dark whatever you want to call it. I dont call, email, text. I only respond very politely to what he asks. Im GAL. I look fantastic. I go to the gym most days. I just started baking. Im gone back to church. I pray every night. I look after S3. I play and do fun stuff with S3. I read and read some more. And now what?
Just wait for H to come to his senses? Wait for him to realise that the OW he's with is a psycho? Wait for him to realise that he screwed up the best thing that ever happened to him. Wait for him to realise that he is a selfish, arrogant, narcissistic man? Urrrrggghhh!!! I am so mad.
I guess I am at the anger stage huh? Not good. Im suppose to be meeting up with H and S3 for dinner tomorrow night. Dont want to go but as per previous post MIL thought it was a good idea to keep communication lines open. Still I dont want to go. I cant stand looking at him. I cant stand seeing him dressed in HUGO boss clothes, Tag Huer watch and driving in his expensive car. Meanwhile I keep a close eye on what I am spending and trying so desperately to save for a holiday for S3 and I. But he is going on his 3rd holiday with OW this weekend. Thats right his 3rd. And he has only been gone for 2mths. Yet when he was married to me he always said he had no time to go on holiday. Work was too demanding and he had deadlines etc. Urrrrgggghhh
I want to go to dinner and say "I hate you. I hate you for what you have done. What you are doing and what you are going to do. I hate that I dont recognise the man that you are. I hate that you have lost all integrity. I hate that you have no morals or values. I hate that everyone I know including your family have lost all respect for you. I hate that you allowed your d*ck to do the thinking and not your head or your heart. I hate that you have forgotten all that I have done for you. I hate that you have forgotten everything that we have been through together. I hate that you have forgotten everything that we stood for. I just hate you right now"
OK so I wont actually say any of that but I really want to. Instead Im going to have PMA. Smile and be friendly. Im going to listen and then listen some more. Im going to be mysterious and not devoulge too much about what I have been doing. And most of all Im going to care (or at least pretend to).
So whats comes after anger? And how long am I going to feel this way?
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
The anger comes and goes for me. Even now, I still get angry sometimes. I just have better coping skills.
The stages of grief that we go through aren't linear. You can bounce between them. As far as how long it takes, it's different for everybody. The best you can do is to take good care of yourself and S3 and find a way of getting the anger out of yourself, even if it's only for a bit. The gym should help with that.
You will vacillate between anger, sadness, happiness and "I just don't give a damn!" It is up to you to determine how long you will stay in these stages. Sometimes the hardest is picking yourself up out of the negative stages and staying longer in the positive stages.
My H does not talk to nor text D16 everyday either. It is like he has just walked away and any little attention he gives her is a huge thing to him, like he's doing her a favor. What I really believe is that he can't reconcile all of this and he can't really face is one and only child. It is sad as they were so close, and she worshiped the ground he walked on. Now, she doesn't want to have anything to do with him. I think the LBS parents really struggle with anger more because of how we want more for our children. It is frustrating, pointless and weak on the MLCer to do and react to their children as they do.
Keep going to church and praying and finding joy in the little blessings God sends your way. Trust Him the most and follow His lead.
Blessings,
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Im freaking out. I cant do it. I dont want to see H. I dont want to have dinner with him and do small talk. Im too angry to have a friendly chat. I dont have PMA today.
A text from H this morning: H: tonight? Me: ? As in you want to see S3? H: Yes - dinner? Or no
Seriously thats all I get? I know he's only asking me to dinner cos his mum told him to. I just spoke to MIL just now. She suggested that I go to dinner and have a good time. WTF? Have a good time? Yeah right! She said dont talk about your relationship. I said we dont have a relationship. She said talk only about S3 and what youve done during the week, etc. So basically talk BS. Sounds to me like she wants me to be his friend. Well truth is I dont know if I want to be his friend. Im too angry to be his friend right now. I dont want to see him. I dont want to talk to him. I dont want to think about him.
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
If you really can't see him tonight because your angry or just not in a good place emotionally, don't. I know your MIL thinks it would be good and all and I respect her wisdom. Perhaps you will be able to at some point. Don't beat yourself up if it isn't tonight.
When my H first moved out we could at least talk about D's some. Then as things came up, I would see him getting angry and shutting down. He hasn't asked me anything about D's in so long, I can't remember when it was. I do tell him some things. Honestly though, at this point, he can talk about anything with them. You don't have that luxury yet though.
The friend thing is really complicated and esp hard as most LBS's still have an emotional attachment (ie: still in love with spouse). Give yourself time to figure outr what you want with regards to bing friends. You can be perfectly friendly, without being friends if that's what you choose.
Thanks Grace. I know you understand and that means alot. I feel like MIL doesnt understand at all. I mean who can be friends with there cheating H?
MIL told me that H didnt take his new job. Staying at the old one cos he's got freedom to come and go as he pleases. Im glad in a way. I never thought I would be. But I am glad. Im glad because it will mean that he and psycho OW will spend more time together and they can be in each others face all the time. More time to get to know each other.
MIL also told me that he moved into his own apartment. He's probably bought a heap of new stuff too - all on credit as he has no money - blew it all on himself and OW. Eeeewww the thought of it just makes me ill.
The apartment he is moving into is where we used to live. And now he is moving in there and she will most likely be staying there too. This really [censored]! It was the first place we moved into when we got married. I hate this.
I havent replied to H yet. I havent made up my mind. Yes I am mad. Yes I will be uncomfortable if I go. But I have to also be strong. If I dont go I will come accross as weak. If I dont go how will I show him what he's missing out on.
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
I agree that you have to really set some boundaries here for yourself. If you don't want to go, just say something has come up and can't make dinner this time, maybe next time, but I am sure S3 and you will have a great time.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I dont want to go but I feel that I should at least go this once. I dont think I will go weekly but I will go maybe once per month or fortnight. I have no expectations. I know that I am here to just validate. At this point I know H is in full replay so there is nothing I can do.
Im worried that I will throw up all over him. Im not feeling well as I have caught the bug that S3 has. But then again if I did do that, I think most would agree that he deserves it
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
