AC - it sounds to me like you are getting on the right track now. You are not contacting her. The big thing that jumped out at me from notsosunny/Cindy's post that she said help turned things around was that he let her miss him. Try not worry too much about if your W moves out - she's going to do what she's going to do. Either way she will have the opportunity to miss you. I think your goals you are working on are a very good thing, too.
I know this is very hard, especially when you think things were heading in the right direction and then BAM! She is thinking otherwise.
