Won't stand for a broken family

[Timetotry]

Did my best to GAL and 'fake it until I make it' this weekend; had some good positives and a few negatives.

Friday late afternoon H came over and brought pizza, wanted to cut the grass and so some work on the pool. Nothing negative for the day. Good, really good.

Saturday he arrived 10 minutes before I needed him with donuts for everyone and offered any assistance in putting stuff in the car for my trip. I already had everything done, figured I wanted to show I can do it all without him if I have too. He walked D2 and me to the car to see us off, it seemed as if he wanted more than to just say 'goodbye'. H text 30 minutes later saying traffic was ok. Hour later text saying how he was doing work around 'your house' and I responded 'our house' and he just said 'right'. Later in the day he text me how it was going and I said how BIL was feeding me beers on the beach. Bad news there. H apparently has an issue that I never really drank and if I did not around him. I responded how it was because we had kids and I wanted him to have fun, at my expense. He continues to send messages about it from the past and I responded 'what matters now is today and going forward anyway' and I said I can see how he felt that way. That backfired in so that he twisted it by saying I never admit to saying something was me. I said its both of us and I know I wasn't perfect and there are definitely things I wish I could redo again. He just says that I'll never see how I am and he feels sorry for me and that I really took a step back today, maybe more. I was so upset and the damn alcohol in me didn't help! What the he!! does that mean? Seriously, I took a step back, he really thinks the cards are all in his hands. No, I hold the cards that are in my hands, I control what I want to control (wanted to say that but didn't...can do that here though!) Went out with my sister to a shore bar. Did my best to try to enjoy the night but I was not the best of company. Thankfully it was my sister I was with and she tried her best to make me feel better. She kept pointing out how there were so many men to choose from there, I couldn't even care. Certainly not ready to date and this evening just proved it further for me.

Sunday I didn't even realize he text 3 times before I answered when we were getting ready to head home. I decided on my ride home I was going to act 'as if' all things were good. I think it worked! H was definitely not right at first but I just seemed upbeat, interacted with the kids and him. One point he made that stuck was he said how "NEXT YEAR" he will do something different when he opens the pool. Wait, NEXT YEAR. I didn't react to that though but inside I loved hearing that. I suggested we all go out to dinner and he said it was a great idea. While we were out, I made sure I had a drink; I wanted one but the bonus was to prove something to him. Wrong, I know. Left, started texting more as the night went on. H came back over to eat cake. I wanted it too though, so its all good.

Today was an overall positive day. He called to say he was stopping to get something for lunch and suggested getting me something on his way over. Had family time in the pool and sure enough he decided to make drinks so I had to drink a few. I noticed when I came in our bedroom that he put some toothpaste and a few other toiletries in his side of the bathroom vanity and some clothes in one of his drawers. He said how he made the pool a little warmer for me. When I was in the hot tub, he came over and sat there with me for a bit and then offered to get and cook dinner. So a very good day until the texting starts which was positive until he made a comment again that his wife never drank. What is it with drinking all the sudden? He didn't drink that much so what is the point he is trying to make? I just commentd back saying I do now and that I have been with him. I don't get it and never will.

So overall some very good positives for the weekend, some forward future points, positive time spent together as a family with only two times negative comments were made by him on the same topic. I just think he was jealous that I was at the shore and he wasn't and tried to ruin my time. He was home with kids; well, it was his day with them and I deserve to have fun on my one day a week even if it bothers him.

I'll just keep on trying to move forward for me.