K4D: That is truely encouraging to me, thanks for sharing. I have read about some stories like that and have heard of some sucessfull stories like that in Alanon. I know very well though, that it can also go the other way. But either way, I am starting my healing process by going to alanon and have at least finally woken up to the truth about our M probems, and realize that even if he would want to ever work on our M again, he would have to sober up first or I will refuse to let the door open a third time.

Braveheart: The reasons I would want my M back with my H would be these: -He is my first TRUE love -He and I have had a lot of great times together, a lot of history, -I feel we complimented each other well, -He was a strong hard worker, -He was very sexy with the greatest big green eyes ever, -He is funny, -He was very protective of me, -He wasnt lazy & liked to move like myself,-He used to be supportive of my life and family and abilities, -we liked a lot of the same music, shows, activities, friends, etc...,-I liked his great drumming skills and handy-man skills, -He was my best friend, -He was attractive to me in so many ways,-I liked how we shared religious beliefs/prayed together -We worked very well together on jobs/houses, I could keep going on and on.
But instead I will stop there and let you know that I do absolutely realize that all of these great qualities (other than the good looks) are mostly gone ever since he started hitting the bottle hard and heavy. Most of the things I loved about him have been saturated with beer,anger, emotional affairs, lies, & unresponsibility ever since 2007 (with the exception of a 2 year piecing time that he was converting back to old nice H and not drinking much, only to have him revert to the bottle again this last year). I have woken up to the fact that as long as he continues Drinking - he will never live up to the great things he could be and once was.

25yearsMLC: First I want to thank you so much for helping me in so many ways, I am so greatful that you often stop by my thread and get me back on track. The things I have been working on for ME have been these: -Attending Alanon, and slowly awakening and healing, -GALing like bowling league, art night, BBQ's & partys, walking my dog daily, Hanging with old group of friends that H basically had no interest in hanging with anymore, so I am reconnecting, -helping my family with house repairs & cooking dinner, -Slowed down my own social drinking to the pt. that I have only had 5 cups of wine in the past month and do not allow myself to get drunk, -working on art and paintings in my free time and I plan to enter another mosaic table into the NYS fair (last yr. I got 1st place),-I am growing my nails out and they are longer than they have ever been in my life since I have been a constant nail biter since I was a kid, -working the 12 steps and realizing some of my basic faults (are stuffing my feelings and later venting in anger, living in fear instead of letting go and letting GOD, and not being able to say NO/enabling), -Started attending Church again on reg. basis, -reading self help books, -planted flowers, and still looking profusely for another teaching job or new career.

I Will Choose Free Will! (its one of my favorite Rush songs too). The thing is that I have always done most of the GALing I stated above and the things that fill up my week are with all the same crowds on the same nights as usuall. I only have fridays free of nothing (other than alanon in a.m. and once a month Bunco party's with the girls). I am a busy-body, I just dont have a job during the day anymore and so I have a lot of time with no one around to sit and ponder. That is the time I will start working on filling more with things that need to be done around the house and watching my fav. show again, & doing MORE art.

Thanks you all, and thanks to any vets on this great Memorial day!!! I watched the parade go by in front of my house and it was so nice- lots of smiley happy people!!!
TIPPER