I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

Trying times with the girls today. All went swimmingly until 3 p.m.

D12 had neighbor friends over swimming. D8 had friends over as well.

At 3 p.m. D12 wanted to go back to the Memorial Day festival for one reason and one reason only -- she wanted to ride rides with a 12-year-old boy from her class.

She really, really, really wanted to go just on the off chance she'd see him.

I was hoping she'd just stay at the pool.

Instead, I let her go to the festival. D8 didn't want to go so D12 talked me into letting her go by herself.

As soon as I dropped her off I had misgivings. Even though she's really tall for her age she shouldn't be there by herself. Plus, she didn't have her phone, so I gave her mine but that meant she couldn't call me. She had to call STBXW if there was a problem.

I went home and got D8 and took her over to her friend's house and headed back to the festival.

I walked around for an hour and couldn't find her. I was freaking, but at 5 p.m. she met me where she was supposed to. Turns out, the boy wasn't there and she got hot and wanted to leave so she called STBXW, who told her to wait for me.

I was really mad at myself. The only reason I allowed her to go is because D12 keeps lobbying for more trust. She says STBXW leaves her alone at home for hours at a time when she's sick.

It's an awful reason. I shouldn't make decisions based on how STBXW handles things. I should make them on what I think is right and I just didn't like STBXW's reasons for wanting to go.

I was upset she called STBXW -- because I fear that STBXW is a better parent than me or handles these situations better.

But I apologized for that and I apologized for putting D12 in harms way.

That was No. 1.

We head back to get D8, who has had a lot of stimulation for the weekend and is tired and cranky.

D8 doesn't want to go and there's "nothing" I can say to make her leave.

The anger was rising up -- and then I remembered that time is not a problem here and I'd be getting angry because I was already mad at myself.

So I sat down in D8's friend's apartment and rode the emotional storm out -- all 30 minutes of it. I did not yell. I did not give in. I did not drag her out. Finally, D12 negotiated some way out. She really wanted McDonalds, even with apples and not fries, but I told her I had spent enough money on the weekend -- that caused a long tirade -- and wasn't going to spend anymore.

So the compromise was she did get the McDonalds with apples, but she had to pay for it. When we got home we took $4 out of her piggy bank.

Lord, being a single parent is a struggle. I don't know why anyone wants to do it willingly.

I don't know if there'll be fallout from D12 with STBXW. She's sunburned and we've been putting Aloe Vera on ever since. I told D12 that I am going to have to disappoint her when she asks to go places on her own when I can't figure out what to do with D8.

She said she understands.

I asked her why she wanted to go so badly to the festival and the truth came out. Four of her friends are "dating" and she's jealous. Lord, she's 12. But I remember that feeling. It felt like everyone in the world had girlfriends before I did. The teenage angst is here in full bloom.