i really appreciate everyones post. If you could continue to be there for me i really want to do things different. I am very grateful i have this new friend i have not bad a good friend in 25 yrs since i met my h, but now i do so this is progress.
How are you doing now? Anything different?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yesterday i text h and asked him to bring my $ for the past 2 wks because he hasnt paid me since then. He hasnt been resoponding to my text request so i called him and he answered. i havent spoken to him in a couple of weeks. i asked him how his mother was and he asked how my father was because my father had a minor heart attack 2 weeds ago. he told me h got son new sneakers. He said he had these new vitamins that he's selling now and would bring me when he came over. i said ok thanks. i said i will be thinking of your father this weekend (because his father loved memorial day because he was in air force for 30 yrs and was a sargent.) He said he needs to come up with $30,000 or we could lose the other house that we inherited. Thid got me angry and worried but i tried not to show it. he asked if i had money from sons college savings acct to pay it. I wanted to say why dont you sell one of your cars and pay it. he has 2 cars and a 25000 motorcyle. we ended call on a high note. H came to pick son up after that. I went out to his car to say hi and get $ h was on phone. he didnt even look happy to see me which really hurt cuz we hv not seen each other in 7 mos.It felt like he was another person that i didnt know anymore and it made me sad. we use to love to see each other even at the end of a work day. i stood at the car door as my son got in and h continued on business call so i asked son to bring in $ when h was done. i didnt want h to feel pressured with me standing there so i went back in house. son brought $ and vitamins in when h finished phone call. I am very concerned we are going to lose the other house. I think im going to have to go see a lawyer next week. I could end up losing a lot financially if h careless spending habits continue. H dropped son off later and i called him and said im afraid im going to lose my house. i already lost my h and i dont want to lose my house too. h said im taking care of the bills dont worry.. Earlier h asked me if mortgage, health ins, and life ins was paid. i said yes. i thought it was odd and scary that he asked about our life ins policies he never did before. i was going to tell him my son is the beneficiary on my policy now, h use to be. if hes desperate for $ who knows what h and ow are thinking
when i called h back the second time he said he liked my new watch that he noticed when i went out to his car earlier. i said i like your new watch and your tatoos too. h got 3 new tatoos on his arms. i use to love his natural skin without the tatoos, it seems like he rebelled against everything i nicely asked him to do when he left for ow.
Have you not gotten one or consulted a L at all yet? You have to. These red flags are red flags.
Consulting a L should not frighten you. Knowledges is power and can be very empowering. Like what if you find out that you are going to be fine financially by simply getting a court order payment so you don't have to wait and hope H sends it. It can be an automatic allotment from his pay.
I don't get why you seem to think just meeting a Lawyer requires any follow up action on your end--it MIGHT but you have to get information first and stop worrying/guessing/obsessing....
The life insurance question would freak me out too.
See a L asap. What else can I say?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
i told h today that my son is the beneficiary on my life ins policy. i didnt do this yet but im going to call first thing tues. if something happens to me i told my sister that h asked about life ins. policy. i have been to 3 different lawyers and the only way to protect son and i is to file. my state doesnt have legal separation. h has not pd his taxes in 3 yrs too. thats why they might come and take our other house. he is still looking on computer for bentley car too . his money has made him lose his mind. im scared.
then see and hire a L. This isn't complicated as far as what to do. It concerns me that you've seen THREE and yet...what? They frightened you? They said you'd have to take action?
DBing does say you must protect yourself (oh, AND YOUR SON!)[i]Put your son first and the way will be clearer for you.[/i]
You've been paralyzed too long. Maybe you need to step way back-to see more clearly that the fear of losing your h (which has actually, sorry to say, happened)
does not outweigh your love of your son.
It's time. Protect yourself.
Who knows? Maybe your h will wake up. Your behavior the past few years has not worked. That's something we do know.
What do you really truly have to lose? (in case you don't know, the answer is nothing). Hire a L. I don't see another rational choice here. Do you?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My h told me the other day h has no money to pay taxes but when i look then i find out he is still looking to buy a bentley car. i dont want to file d but its the only way to protect me and my son. What should i do? I know how shrewd h is he is probably planning his whole financial future secretly with ow i think i have to file. this is going to be a very difficult week. i dont know how i will come up with $ for d. h should have to pay for it L said last time. I know the name of areally good L but it will probably cost at least 20,000 for me.
My h told me the other day h has no money to pay taxes but when i look then i find out he is still looking to buy a bentley car. i dont want to file d but its the only way to protect me and my son. Yes it is. What should i do? You just said it's what you have to do. You already know the answer. There's no way around the hard parts.
I know how shrewd h is he is probably planning his whole financial future secretly with ow i think i have to file. Maybe....He has had a lot of time to do so.
this is going to be a very difficult week. i dont know how i will come up with $ for d. h should have to pay for it L said last time.
Yes it will be hard, but again, the L gave you a helpful answer...
I know the name of areally good L but it will probably cost at least 20,000 for me.
That sounds high for an uncontested divorce and property settlement. But I don't know how much wealth you are referring to.
Anyhow, Your h may have to pay anyhow, per the lawyer telling you. Besides, you have no protection now. So if he's planning on financially deserting you, if there's even the risk of leaving you and son in the lurch, then $20k is what it costs.
You are not helpless. You will survive this.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
tell your L everything you know about h's finances.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Rysmom, you have been talking this for over a year and each time you come up with some excuse not to. If you wish to continue on this path, that's your business, but understand 2 things. 1st Your H isn't coming back. You can keep holding on if you want to, but he's not coming back. 2nd your H will milk you dry and hide and spend money. He wanted your son's college money for God sakes! Anyway, those are your options.
