I'm lost. need help with WAW

[GAL Man]

Just putting my latest thoughts down

Having quite a down day today, but I expected this with a hangover and an empty house (kids are with w this week)

It has however given me chance to read a lot of the threads in the newcomers board, although I haven't posted on many what I read gives great advice and guidance to me. I will post more on others sit when I am in a better place to do so.

W loves her job and has been spending more time on work things recently, which I think has helped her not think about our S to much, however it’s the school holidays this week and she has the kids so she will not have work to take her mind off things. D14 is really into her friends atm (sleepovers and loads of things planned with them) which is good for her, S12 is getting to this stage also, but he is a daddy’s boy, and we used to do so much together (need to get this back when they are home) So the kids will be out with their friends and W will be at her place, so I have gone dark and will give her time and space to think with no distractions.

I have been up and down like I don’t know what these last few days, and the 2x4’s received are fully justified (and thanks) LRT seemed to be working and I changed approach (I don’t know why, suppose I wanted to try something else) so will go back to that and have patience. I have looked at my notes and there were baby steps, I noted them down so knew they happened, but just went off on another direction!!!!!

I know the fb thing got to her as she couldn’t find me so thought I had deleted my account. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it, but it’s how I felt at the time to make a point and do things for me, i.e not checking fb all the time (and I have the phrase in my phone about closer or further away from my goal, I know..I will read it each time I think to do something like this again) So far W has not talked about D at all, even at the beginning, just S. I think at times that it seems to be final with all the arrangements she has made in her rental, TV, Phone, furniture etc, but then I would do the same so nothing to look into here!

Had a good chat with D14 yesterday and said I was sorry for the kids and the sit, D14 said it not your fault daddy (arrhh). D14 said I seemed really happy lately, but knew I wanted to be happy like this with her mum. They have made their own decision over the sit I suppose, I haven’t said anything negative about W to them, or anyone really.

My best friend saw wife out on sat night in a pub and ignored her to start with, but they did have a brief chat where he said she had been so cold in what she had done and she had destroyed me (he did apologise to me for this as he knew I was portraying happiness, but hopefully she thought this was at the beginning of all this, as she has said to me and others that I seem really happy lately)

Didn't want to do too much today, just moped around really, but will now start making plans.

This week’s GAL activities.

1) Cycling when getting home from work (weather permitting...)Work locations are 1.5hrs away so instead of just getting home and "relaxing" I will make the effort to go out on my bike
2) Seeing friends and family, going out for some beers sat night
3) Going out with work colleagues after work before travelling back
4) Tidy house some more (I love a tidy house and some rooms are now like a show home, this was always neglected buy both W and I, but W was very messy)
5) Put more effort into reading “Spanish for Dummies” but just haven’t been able to get the grip of it yet (likely due to the reading and re-reading of bd/dr all the time)
6) Obviously, keep coming on here
7) Plans for next week with the kids (cinema, bowling, playing board games, taking them to see grandparents etc)

I am trying to move on and detach now. (but keep thinking of Yoda’s saying from ESB, “No! Try not, do or do not, there is no try”) The choices I am making are for me, the last few weeks they have been a bit of both I suppose.

The books and this forum have given me great help so far, thanks to everyone who has checked out my sit and for the advise. I think the main things so far for me have been the realisation that I was waiting for my W to change and treat me better, when I should have done this and would have benefitted all, secondly I can control only me, and lastly taking this sit to realise I had become someone I didn’t like (sad, miserable, boring) I was never that person, I was full of life confidence and fun, and I am slowly changing back to the real me.