Harrier

[25yearsmlc]

MZ- found the article. It was interesting, but it seemed they did the study with only women's tears and how the smell of them lowered testosterone. There was an interesting side note about tears effect on oxytocin levels.

I am all over the map today. I noticed the Wife is on some sort of pull back mission and it's p1ssing me off. I know it shouldn't be and I know I shouldn't read into it. But really she has affection for others, just not me. Based on based experience, she knows what she is doing.

Still all about her....

Here is where I get annoyed.

How's that working for you?

My W tells me what she needs - no drama, no r talk, a fun happy H, no fights, no getting mad, space etc. So she gets ALL that...does it change her behavior. NOT ONE BIT. In fact she seems to pull back on the physical affection even more. WTF. Thanks a lot.

Re-read the posts people have given you. Oh, and retain the information in them. This is an absurd comment for you to make. It means you manipulated and it didn't work and you are complaining...good grief. The changes she wants are healthy ones! And you don't get that...you really don't...you think she should IMMEDIATELY change into who YOU want her to be....Sheesh!


Which in turn feeds my anxiety, causing me to have wild thoughts and I don't want to put in the effort myself.


So she's responsible for how you feel and act? What a way to live...


I'm trying to break the cycle, but it's hard by myself.

What does "trying to break the cycle" mean to you? How long do you think a change in you, should be considered "real and lasting" by her? What's your idea of a fair timeline, given how long you have been the way you are?

AND FYI, DBing is BASED on the idea that ONE person can work on a marriage and b/c it's a R between 2 people, when ONE changes, the dynamic has to change, by definition.

So my guess is she does not believe your changes b/c they are either not actually evident, or you have not done them consistently (true) or for long enough for her to believe in them (also true). She thinks that your changes, IF SHE SEES THEM AT ALL, are tactics to get her back (also true, based on this post).

So realize that the equation for this is simple.

Real Changes in You + Enough TIME = her belief that they are real.