My Wife and I met when we were very young. I was 19 and she was 21. I was her first g/f. We were together a month before I left for school in Chicago. Did LDR for 1.5 yrs. She moved to be with me. We married in 06. She is an addict (alcoholic) and an over eater.
Over the years I felt like we had a good relationship. Only looking back now can I see the truth. She would be there for me emotionally but could never let me in. She/I would both get jealous of each other. I was her enabler to not try new things. Our huge marital problems never seem to get solved. We talked about owning a home and having kids multiple times. After awhile I began to fill like crap. That she didn't love me enough. I wasn't attractive enough.
Obviously it wasn't so bad. We shared alot of laughter and affection. It was just one-sided as far as letting someone in. Somewhere I became ok that she couldn't be emotionally present. That I became ok with the fact that she could "be there" for me.. but not the same. After all.. she had a rough childhood. I just became ok.
She started a 12 step program 10 months ago. At first I was jealous of how much time it took away from us (because I just wanted to feel loved). I also grew angry that we stopped trying for a baby that she couldn't deal with it. I didn't see it coming but she dropped the ILYBNIL bomb (well not sure). She said that she needed to think of herself and take care of herself.
For 4 months, that's what we did. I gave my full support. We grew really close and she was honest and emotionally present. In March though she finally said she was sure she wasn't in love with me because she didn't want to work on the marriage because she thought her feelings wouldn't change. She wanted to see what life was like. She wanted to work on herself. Also she saw herself dating guys and wasn't comfortable with the fact she was gay.
We had a loving separation. It was important we didn't hate each other in the end. We went to therapy and for three wks created this amazing relationship. 100% commitment. She said it made her "want to date me in the future". Actually it made me want to date her.
But for the last 5 wks she has taken space. When I talked to her on Saturday, she said she couldn't have me in her live because she is not ready to deal with "all the shame, sadness, and guilt" that surrounds me. She can't be friends with me because that means she has to reconcile with the old her.
She's taken off her wedding band. She is making new friends and the girl is trying really hard to overcome her demons. I know that I am a "big fish" for her. I would love to be important enough to face now.. but I'm not. She really is her #1 priority.
I'm tired. I feel like I'm worth the effort. I feel like I have waited for 9 yrs as her other half.. now I'm suppose to wait in the hope that she will have the guts to look at me. (She's not asking me too..she says I should feel whatever I need to to move on). I feel deep down like we could love each other because of those 3 wks we shared.. however it just feels so over. It feels like she needs to start a new life w/o me.
M(f):28 W:30 Married 5, Together 9 ILBNIL Bomb: 11/10 Separated: 4/11 Status: 3-5 mo separation to decide if we should get back together of go with a divorce.
