Had some really good times but also had some moments of sadness. Trying hard to push bad thoughts out of mind with stopping techniques with some success.
A few moments really got me this weekend. I stayed with friends and when his whole family was getting dinner ready and laughing and joking. It really hit me. I will never have my family back to share moments like this. But again, it came in and then i pushed it out.
On the ferry where we went hundreds of times. I missed sitting with her and having a dinner and then just talking. I lay down on the bench seats there and tears actually came.
Pushed them out again and thought about other things.
Then focused on the good times I had this weekend. The freedom I had to go and see my friends. I also told myself that the past is gone and I MUST move on from this or I will surely be STUCK spinning my wheels.
NO MATTER WHAT, i will not let her know about anything about this weekend. I will let the boys think I had the time of my life and it was fun.
I got to spend some precious moments with my great friend from Syracuse. My best friend and his wife are both down right now so that was not very uplifting. She suffers from depression and I have never seen him like this before. He is going through something as well.
ON the whole, Im doing ok. Get through this day and move on to the next.
I cant wait to see my kids but till then, I have a lot of work to do around here.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
