Hi Zero, I just read through your sitch. I am really concerned about his coming to get his belongings and wanting you to be alone. That just raises a HUGE red flag to me.
My sitch is uncannily like yours--when I found your post I just couldn't tear away from it as it reminded me so much of my own H. In Jan he hit me and was taken into custody. It escalated very much like your sitch--verbal abuse, entitlement, etc. I had a policewoman friend who warned me that it gets worse and worse with these guys and sure enough, she was right.
My H still has all his belongings here and I will NEVER be alone with him again--it's just too risky. I fantasize that he is sorry for what he has done, but I need to drop the fantasies. He just isn't well. Like your H, mine "forgets" things and truly, honestly can berate me for hours and then it turns out I was right. I used to joke that he could always find a way to speak out of both sides of his mouth--he is very much a "chameleon" and able to change his tune depending on his surroundings. Full of drama, too.
There is something in YOU Zero, and you know that you know it's true--you "put up with" the most bizarre abuse
It's still such a struggle--trying to figure out how and why I did put up with what I put up with. I am determined that I understand and fix myself. There truly must be something wrong deep in my psyche that I went along with this all this time. (16 years).
You know he is going to yell. You know he isn't going to respect your boundaries. You know he is going to behave badly, and truth is, you may get very hurt. You have that persona of "I can handle him", but it's not true--he is going to go down a very dark path--and he isn't going to get better. It's sad, but these are people that are on their way down and he will cling to you, because you will separate from him and he will fail faster that way.
Accept who he is. He has been telling you a very long time who and what he is and you have ignored it. Dig down deep and try to figure out what you are missing that you would create a "fantasy" instead of dealing a long time ago with reality. It's not an easy journey, and I wonder myself if I will ever figure out "Me" and be able to change. But basically...you have to. You have only one life.
