First off : BITS, thanks so much for your help. Could not have made it this far without your guys.
For re-cap, finally going with lawyer because wife is being un-reasonable on some topics when it comes to daughter.
1: Wants to change daughter's last name. 2: The way possession schedule is structured, i get to keep daughter only for 10 days in a year.
Lawyer sent a completely revised decree removing these items. Wife wanted to talk thursday about this and then basically blew up because i refused to budge on these items.
One thing i noticed is that everytime we have these arguments, my wife controls out my talk with daughter. I was getting worried that i might not be able to talk to daughter on Friday.
Earlier we came up with a random schedule that i talk to daughter 3 times a week MWF. Later i told wife that i wanted to talk to daughter everyday. Then just last week, i started using skype to do a video call. That way daughter and i get to see each other. It was working out great.
So i call on friday usual time at 4pm. Wife takes the phone and asks daughter(3 years old) if she wanted to talk to me.
W : "E does not want to talk to you right now"
hanks up phone. I call again.
M : "Wife i called up to talk to E. Can you give the phone to her please"
W : "E, do you want to talk to dad?. Nope she does not want to talk to you"
M : "Wife why are you doing this. Why is that when we have arguments that you bring in daughter into the picture?"
W : "Oh so now you want my help in talking to E. but yesterday when i asked for your help in just talking, you shout at me. Anyway, call up again on Monday"
M : "Why monday? I'll call tomorrow again to see if E wants to talk to me"
W : "Look, our original agreement was 3 days MWF. So i'd like to go back to the original schedule. Call monday"
Then she hangs up the phone. I thought it was pointless to call again. It did feel horrible. I was just beginning to enjoy my daily convo with daughter everyday. And just last week when i visited her, wife and i talked okay with each other. But then i did know wife's personality. She always tried to make me see things from her point of view.
Then she calls up in an hour or so.
W : "So did you like how the convo went with daughter and me today ?"
M : "No, i did not"
W : "Did you like how the convo was going last week with daughter. How i uesd set things up so that you guys could talk. That even if daughter did not want to talk to you, i'd force her to talk to you?"
M : "Yes i did"
W : "Well this is how divorced people act. Do you want it to be like this?. All i called up yesterday was to talk about the rebuttal from your lawyer. I wanted to see your take on things. But everytime you were hostile about these and kept saying that you will not budge on these"
M : "Look, my possession time of E was cut down from 20 or so days in a year to about 10. How do you expect me to agree to that?. Then you wanted to change daughter's name. How do you expect me to agree to that?"
W : "I wanted to just talk about these, not take some decision on them. But just as usual you just go hostile on me. blah blah"
Anyway, the convo went on for 5 more mins on her telling me that i was being hostile to her.
At this point i think my mind just went numb. I could not take it anymore. I thought getting a lawyer would lessen these. I just wanted her to get off what ever she had on her chest so that she could feel better. I think i ended up validating her anger. Then hung up.
Daughter ended up having an asthma attack yesterday sunday. So she texted me saying that she was taking daughter to urgent care. I called. We talked okay about daughter's allergies and her asthma. Then i got to talk to daughter for a lil while. Felt good hearing my baby's voice.
I've heard about spouses using children as weapons during their arguments. I just experienced one. And i think this is just the tip of the iceberg. Yay, can wait for more sh** to come
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
