First time caller...

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Don't hold back, 25yearsmlc...tell me how you really feel...

You are right, of course, about my pestering and I have made a very deliberate effort to stop it. The mood in the house changed almost immediately; I could sense W's relief at not having to defend herself every minute.

My lack of patience has always been a problem; probably one of the reasons we are where we are. One of the mantras I have read on these boards that is helping me deal with everything more effectively is "Will it help the situation?" (I'm paraphrasing, not sure of the exact wording) As I had posted previously, my snooping resulted in a lose/lose situation, and I am refraining from any more of that.

Bruised ego and pride? Absolutely. The thoughts that ran through my head for weeks were the same ones everyone else here had experienced at some point, I assume..."How could she do this to me?" "What does he give her that I don't?" "How could she lie to me about everything for so long?" Etc, etc, etc...the reason I italicized the above phrases is that I realize I have been looking at all of this as only how it affects me, and not trying to figure out what brought us here.

So it is all starting to sink in. I still sting when W shuts herself away in her home office or her bedroom with her phone, but I have resigned myself to the fact that I can do nothing about that. To be living in the same house and yet have no emotional or physical connection is painful, and sometimes I wonder if a true separation would be easier to handle, but I am grateful that it has gone no further than this. I am learning the "as if" way of living and it is helping, and I am still working at being a better man.

Thanks to all for your continued replies and comments.