My wife and I recently returned from a trip. On the way home, my wife said she noticed a young girl smiling at me; news to me, not a clue.
Regardless, she was upset
B/c you have repeatedly given her reasons not to trust you. Who are you to anger at her rational response? I mean, do you have amnesia? This is not about her "holding onto grudges"...(Your self serving comments about how she 'holds onto things", like her PAIN from the wounds YOU inflicted on her, are revealing. And sad...)
and I was not supportive.I became angry at being accused of knowing this person, whom I've never seen before. Rather than staying calm, I became indignant and dismissive. My [u]verbal attack continued through the airport, tainting the entire return journey.[/u] I've been unfaithful in the past, and issues of distrust are prevelant between my wife and I. SO SHE WAS NOT UNREASONABLE; YOU WERE...AGAIN... Does anyone have advice, know of any books or reference material to help me deal with my anger and gaining my wife's trust.
OH, you mean the "secret book" that has the exact right sentence to say, and it will fix all your problems? Sorry but we hid it... Seriously, YOU know YOU are the problem and you have to change your ways. Your stubborn habits and personality must be overhauled or you'll lose the most important things in your life. DO THE WORK...IT IS SIMPLE...NOT "EASY" BUT NOT COMPLICATED...
I'm aware that the easist way to gain trust would be to stop getting angry; however, if it was that simple, no one would be angry. YES IT IS THAT SIMPLE...
WE ALL HAD TO DO IT---
Each of us got deeply hurt and betrayed and were RIGHTFULLY ANGRY,
but WE HAD TO LET GO OF OUR ANGER...
B/c anger does not help us get close to others OR to our goal of reconciling.
Anger is UNattractive and UNconstructive.
Anger does not help life.
It hurts marriages. And our anger consumes US....it ruins OUR LIVES.... Staying angry to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes.
Your anger isn't even the normal "semi-justifiable" kind. It's out of control.
This will be fatal to your marriage if you don't get this resolved asap.
Get some help and some meds, or whatever it takes before you ruin more lives and lose her forever...
Any thoughts? SEE ABOVE...
Here's my questions...As a veteran of the Army JAGC, married to a veteran, now in the Reserves....first let me say that I don't know people like you, outside of jail. I really don't. Certainly not in my social circles or at work. Your self described tantrums, sound both irrational and like homicidal road rage...WTH?
So, How has your military career survived your inability to control your emotions? How many people have you been insubordinate to?
How many Article 15's for disrespect have you gotten?
Have you been court-martialed yet?
...What's that? Oh, wait a second...You say you DON'T lose your temper at work? What? You DO NOT scream or berate unrelentingly?
You don't humiliate your subordinates
or undermine your superiors?
You don't lose your temper or become "insane" (your words)[u] at work[/u]? [/b] [color:#333399]Ohhhh, I get it. You ONLY DO ALL THIS STUFF TO HER....???
YOU CHOOSE TO ANGER EASILY AT HER...WHY? (b/c she'll take it?? B/C subconsciously you hate yourself and project it onto her??
I'm no shrink but you are targetting her for some reason..only now, she is @ the breaking point and her feelings have changed.
She might not get them back. There are no guarantees that she'll feel the same or take you back again- but you still have to change b/c from the sounds of it, you will die alone if you don't... Whatever you do at work to not "go insane", is what you need to do at home and in life in general.
You actually do know how...I just feel that you just don't really want it...
There are tons of books about this out there. Go find them. Read and implement them. Go to the bookstore or the library or Google it!
Remember then you have to actually follow up and DO WHAT THEY SAY.
I found Marianne Williamson's books on "handling anger" and "Return to Love" really helpful to me, they gave me some peace and some ideas on how to let go of the anger I felt at my h b/c he left us.
But Williamson is new agey for some-so don't use that as an excuse to resist change. Use the parts that apply. If you are going to resist all the suggestions in all these books (b/c they ALL WILL expect you to actually follow the advice) don't bother with this.
Have you gotten and read the divorce busting books?
Calm yourself, ask if what you are about to say or do is going to help your cause or push you farther away.[b]
There are few things I personally find unforgivable in life. Cheating on and then Ditching a pregnant wife is one(well, it's 2 actually), and forcing her to give the baby away--wow-- AND then not finding and recovering that child, are others..
You are MIRACULOUSLY still married to this woman! You've been given more chances than anyone I've read about here. You have been blessed time and again. ( If you want to change your m, YOU have to change. I'd say 90 days more of this, and she might be out of your life...is that enough of a motivation? I mean what's it gonna take? If you won't change now, when would you? Why would you? [/color]
You may want to Find that child; if your wife agrees...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016