I need fast advice!

[kermitdfrog]

My husband wants a divorce after almost 28 years. He told me ten months ago that he didn't want to be married to me anymore because I had been controlling, got us into debt with my spending, argued and didn't respect him. We had our bad moments, as any long term marriage does, but he never once said he was unhappy in the marriage. He stuffed feelings for a long time. Although he was right to a degree, I honestly wasn't as bad as he said. Nevertheless, I made a total turnaround. Got a full time job, stopped spending money, etc. Well, two months later he confessed that he had a brief affair earlier in the year, but ended it and was ashamed. But he said it was the result of the breakdown of the marriage, not the cause. He also had a lot of stress due to not getting business due to the economy (he is self employed) He agreed to give it time, but things got worse because I kept wanting to talk about the problems, and he needed to concentrate on getting work. So he moved out (he stays with his mom) but continued to call every night and would come home almost every weekend. He kept saying he loved me, but didn't want to be married to me anymore. He said we weren't healthy together. Two months later, he agreed to go to counseling. He never really tried, in my opinion. We went for two month and he announced 7 weeks ago that he was filing for divorce. I received papers last week. He refuses to try anymore. While we were "working" on the marriage, I did the wrong things. Begged, pleaded, etc. It made it worse and now I am SO MAD at myself. I may have had a chance and I blew it. But when he announced that he wanted a divorce, I did things the DB way. I left him alone, contact came only from him, etc. It almost seemed to be working. He called a few times, ending the calls with "I love you" even calling me "babe" a couple times. When he comes to mow our lawn, he usually takes me to dinner or lunch. When we do talk on the phone, he always ends with "I love you". Yet I still got divorce papers. I did argue with him after I received the papers (wrong I know but I honestly was surprised to get them. I thought he was softening). I am so incredibly heartbroken I can barely breathe. This man is the love of my life. I honestly never saw this coming, and no one else did either. Everyone thought we were great together. Our kids even said they felt they were lucky because their parents loved each other still and many of their friends had divorced parents. I am so shocked and sad. Last night we went out to dinner and had a wonderful time. Afterward, he gave me a long hug. In my car on the way home, I cried my eyes out. I miss him so bad I can't stand it. I have made so many changes in the last ten months and have really grown. I honestly feel I am becoming the woman he always wanted me to be. But he doesn't want to stick around to see it. He says we aren't compatible, I don't share his dreams, we don't have "synergy", etc. Someone PLEASE tell me how to stop this divorce! I will do anything! It is wrong! Our kids (ages 21 and 24) have cut off their relationship with him because they are sickened by his actions. They are wonderful, moral, Christian young adults who always adored their father. Our daughter is getting her Doctorate in Physical therapy from a prestigious university. Our son is applying to Medical Schools. Everyone says, "If your marriage was so bad all these years, you couldn't have raised such wonderful kids" True! So again, someone please tell me what to do! Is it ever too late??? What should I do now that he has filed? Can any DB coaches offer any advice?