My previous thread got locked at only 14 pages. So, it's time to start a new thread for the umpteenth time.
Life has been rather calm and enjoyable since I "quit". A couple days ago S17 finally told me what his "secret" interest is. For months he has been hinting, but didn't want to tell me for some reason. It turns out he has been writing lyrics and working on creating hip-hop/jazzy/rap kind of stuff. He seemed surprised by my positive reaction. I guess he thought I would say something like "what does a white kid from the suburbs of a small city in Ontario know about that?"
The most important part was that as he walked away from the chat, he simply said "I love you". I rarely get those from him, while STBX often does. He also made a somewhat negative joke/comment about his mom the day before. Just a month ago, he and I were further apart than ever. I seem to have done a good job of earning back his trust and getting him to see the reality of his mother's choices,without degrading her in the process. That makes me very happy.
D19 and her boyfriend are leaving for vacation in Mexcio in an hour. I am so proud of them, but am also going to miss them both this week. Of course, I also think of past family vacations to Mexico, and of the times STBX and I went just as a couple, as recently as just less than a year ago. And...of course....I also think of her being there with OM/boss just a couple months ago.
So...today will be a bittersweet day of sorts. I will have to keep myself busy and not allow myself to get wrapped up in "what used to be" and "what could be". I have not been missing STBX recently and I don't need to start feeling that way again.
I saw somewhere on here that the opposite of love is not hate, but rather empathy. I think the empathy I have been feeling for STBX is quite good for me and I want to stay in that place.
