25 thanks for the response...I will try to post and answer for your questions or observations...the best as I can....I will clarify as I can and please keep asking until you know me...
First of all about me working my tail off so she could stay at home and homeschool my girls....I do know that she worked very hard at this....It was a decision that bit me in my rear....and this is why. She always wanted to be a stay at home mother. She has the perfect mindset for it....In fact I will tell you how hard she worked...My oldest got a great scholarship to college at 16 and just graduated at 20 with two degree's....Boy my W worked hard at maiking our d's great people.....So what I meant by it coming back on me is this.....I worked and excelled very much in my job....my wife worked and excelled in her job....Because of this our relationship suffered....I ask myself all the time why did I not put the effort into my M that I put into my work. I also want to ask my W the same thing.
And my A....yes I did have it while she was having babies....and yes I felt that I was at the bottom rung of the ladder. I felt that I was nothing to her. I felt like we were in a rut. I did her and my daughter's wrong. I knew it was wrong when I did it and have regretted it ever since. I did and didnot buy gifts and tell her how beautiful she was. I have discussed this with my C to death....I came from a family where my father gave my mother a washing machine on her birthday. I think I have become my father and I did not want that to happen. I watched him bring home a paycheck every week and thought that was all I was supposed to do.....Where as my W's father came home everyday took the kids out , took his W out and had nothing but family time. These are things that I have learned about myself and have corrected them....When you listen to MWD and she says that telling your spouse a million times to stop being hateful....and they don't change...but the day you tell them you want a D...thats the 2x4 to the head or the wake up call...It seems that's how it happened to me....My W has seen the changes and even has said so....but it was to little to late.
Now in 1998 I had the A it was short lived....and ended just a couple of months later.....In 2005 which was 7 years later it came back to haunt me....basicly I got snarled up into the D of the OW. So I had to tell my W...She was going to get summones to there D. Anyway to me it happened 7 years ago but to my W it was fresh....She really did not know how to act and I was going off the deep end, trying to convince her not to throw me up.....here is where I screwed up....I told her that I would step up to the plate and make it up to her every day until we die.....but since it was so long ago for me.....I just blew it off and she would cry in the closet...I did not find that out till last year....she told me later that it was then that the M started a slow painfull death.
Now for the house in the country....She during this time wanted to move but I was fighting it. But when everything came out I said lets go and we did move....We spent alot of time rennoavting this house and everything seemed to be getting better. I even went one step farther and retired from my city job and got a job in the country....SO I would never have to go back and we could start fresh.
Well in moving our expenses increased and I had to start working even more.....Then she was starting to take camping trips with the girls....I guess I could have went and now I know I should have....but without me working she would have not had the money to go......So on one of these trips she met the OM.....it was down hill for me then.
Now the money part.....I do think that I should not have even brought this up with her....I feel that she is just disrespecting me....The only reason she ever got a part time job was to pay for my oldest daughters college expenses...fun stuff I mean....but now she has to work to survive....I am not complaining or maybe I am and you guys can beat me till it hurts. I read on one thread that talking on hear was saving the spouse from yelling to the WAS...maybe that's what I need. So know I have a W that needs to work full time. If we could work this out she would not have to work at all.....
Here is another gripe or bitch from me. We lost our house to foreclosure. She does not even care....but in losing our house she impeded our ability to get college money for the rest of our four girls..... now I ask you fine people...what is she thinking....in taking this path our girls might not get to go to college......and yet she worked so hard to teach them...She has a masters degree and is very smart.
Plus I do not understand her reasoning....I do understand that she says that she does not want to be married to me anymore. I do understand that she has found whatever in the OM....He is 13 years younger and does not make alot of money....She has no forward thinking at this point....She knows that I can provide everything she needs till the day she dies....She has told me she still finds me attractive and all of the other stuff....When an if she realizes what she has done then what....sorry for the long post ......Scott
