1. Stop snooping, not only will it hurt you, it will destroy the positive energy you will get from GAL. It is hard to stay positive after snooping. This is whether you find something or not.
2. Yes your W is WAW a lot of the same behaviors and motivations are there. The only difference is that yours like mine feels the extreme highs and lows of those emotions more. For example a fight for her during a low will be that much more emotionally devastating, at the same time the high she gets from these OM is that much more intense. I truly believe the both of us are in slightly harder sitch's. If yours is anything like mine I bet she is down right evil in the things she says and does. Then hours later will be the most wonderful person in the world. You will most likely ask yourself who is she?!
2. So when she goes through lows it's like her world is falling on her. I'm sure you get blamed for a lot of those lows. It's because she can't understand why she feels so bad, why simple things affect her so terribly, why it seems like nothing will get better. That is being in a low, it [censored] for them and all they can think about is how bad things are. Even if they are far from the truth.
3. Unfortunately this unrealistic and often exaggerated low is their reality. They can't see it any other way. Their feelings and emotions are their reality, never forget that! If you try to convince them otherwise they will just resent you for it, claim you don't understand, or are trying to manipulate them.
4. Worse is when they make decisions during a low. They are really making decisions on bad information their brain is feeding them. All they want is to end the unhappiness and may make bad decisions to try to make things better. (affairs, drugs, alcohol, impulsive spending, you name it). So in conclusion they are desperate to run away from their own feelings of unhappiness, this could mean running away from you.
5. Instead they are seeking that thrill and extreme feeling of happiness they can get when on a high. When in a high every positive feeling is magnified, whether it's a fun concert, a nice evening with you, or the attention an OM provides. It is all greatly magnified. They want to go from this low to a high, and as said before they are so desperate they will do reckless things, and forget they are hurting those around them. It hurts to say this but bi-polar people can be pretty selfish during their highs and lows. All they care about is ending the low and getting the high sometimes.
6. So where do you fit into this? I'm sure if you married her, you used to be part of her high, she probably built this great fantasy of what life together would be. She probably thought you could keep her on a high forever. Then reality set in, no matter how well things went the lows dragged her down eventually. To make things worse the problems of life came in making things harder. Eventually she probably started associating you with the lows. Afterall I'm sure more than once you had to tell her to control her spending. "how dare he try to keep me at a low, I NEED to spend to get to high!!".
7. Your intimacy problems probably stem fro this weird reversal of associations she has. Now you are mr low. She wants to run away from mr low because being at low hurts too much. Introduce OM or Mr high. She sees other people, men who are not needy, are charming, but most importantly ENABLE her. The fog kicks in she becomes head over heals for these men, you are mr low you have no chance against these OM who promise her the same type of high you surely used to give her.
Does all this sound familiar?
8. Does she also have temper problems? Does she come up with crazy ideas that are impractical, unaffordable, or just plain wrong? All these are just attempts at ending the low and seeking the high. More than ever this quote applies. "don't believe anything they say and half of what they do". Every terrible and illogical action is just a desperate attempt to escape a low. In my case I ignore 98 percent of them, and they turn out to bE just that crazy ideas that never happen. On the other hand if you refute them, or try to dissuade her she will see you as not a partner, but an obstacle on her way to high. I have found that in their crazy ideas they need to realize for themselves how ridiculous their ideas are. You can't do it for them.
9. If she over reacts in anger quietly step away and let her process her anger, often when they get out of low they realize how cruel they have been, and feel bad for their actions. If you argue back, all they'll remember is you fighting with them and will try to make themselves the victim. Even once they get out of low they will still victimize themselves. Remember they can't understand why they are so low, and would love to blame you for it.
10. Alright all that being said I'm not trying to demonize your W. I am speaking from my own personal experience. If yours is anything like mine the moments of high are amazing. We truly wish they could stay on high forever.
11. So what can you do DB and GAL like crazy with a twist. You need to be her emotional lighthouse. You need to model the behaviors you want to see in her when she is high, spend time with her, laugh, enjoy life. Show her that she can share her highs with you, and doesn't need OM. When she is low let her process her emotions by herself. There is nothing you can do but get blamed for the low. She will try to get you angry, and draw you into fights so she can blame you for her low. Don't let her. You need to in a loving way detach when she is low so she realizes she causes the lows and not you. This is just my theory but I am seeing some early results.
12. I'd recommend the 5 love languages, this will help you rEach out to her during her high as well as give you some things to avoid during her lows.
I don't mean to hijack this thread but I just read this and it really scares me. I can see myself in all of this. Thanks for posting this.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
