Trying to put it into perspective. I really need some advice (or 2x4's) here.

Brief synopsis:
-M has been in turmoil for the past two-three years
-W almost filed D in June 2010, but could not
-we worked on our R for several months, after she partially came out of a deep depression in Oct 2010
-I thought we were on a path to recovery
-I had to leave the country for 3.5 months in early 2011 - I came back for a week, W came down for 10 days (had a blast), we SKYPED 4-5 times week
-returned in mid May
-W files for D in early May, before I return
-W want a D and wants to move out of state, saying her life is too messed up here
-after initial confusion (and too much pursuing on my part), I read her a heartfelt letter, agreed to sign the D papers
-I left on a 2.5 week trip one week ago

W told me she would call me. Have not heard a word from her, which is very unusual. I have not tried to call her, and will not (trying LRT at this point).

I am confused and bewildered. I feel like she is just cutting me out of her life without a second thought. At this point, I truly feel like I will probably not see her again. I am having a very hard time even imagining that DB will help, and that for some reason, this woman I have cared about for 20 years wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I feel lost and isolated.

I feel like a crybaby on this board, where others situations are far worse than mine. This site has been a tremendous help over the past 2 years. I am confused, as the recent developments have me lower than I have ever been, even during the past 2 years of nightmare.

I am thinking that my W has really just been playing me for months and months, stringing me along before screwing me over. I cannot contemplate this is true, not from her. And that is the hardest thing of all.

Sorry for the long thread, but I needed to vent. Thanks for listening.


H 51, W 46
no kids
T 22 years
M 17 years
ILBNILWY 2/10
1st D talk 6/10
partial recovery
W files D 5/11
long distance separation 8/11
moving forward on D 10/11
legal separation complete 1/2012