the good news is that OM will be gone (as a veteran I say that with the proviso that I don't want anything bad to happen to him).
She'll be alone then. That's something most people in your situation don't get.
So make sure you keep the road home, paved and smooth. It'll be hard enough on her to come back as it is, b/c she's crossed some lines pretty publicly.
I have not read the other thread but keep in mind, she found out about your A...don't skim that too much or forget that. IOW, she's doing just what you did, only she got caught while it was going on, and you didn't. So try to lose the anger, at least in front of her. Otherwise you'll be justifying the reasons she had for leaving, (b/c trust me, she has spent a LOT of time justifying it so she can avoid guilt). Don't fuel any of her negatives, in fact, contrast those with positives from you. Make sense? You want her negative "data", to be undermined or to change as she realizes that you have changed.
Bottom line, she has to believe the m to you in the future, would be different from what it was. Otherwise, why go back?
She also has to believe you'd forgive her (& she has to forgive you as well).
So if your anger is there all the time or if she fears you'll throw the A in her face later, or remain angry at her, why should she bother trying? Similarly, if you seem punitive (like "teaching her a lesson" or "showing her the consequences of her actions!" with the money, it will backfire).
My DB coach once said to me, "It's not our job to 'teach our spouses lessons', Life does that for them."
I know this is hard. Believe me. But this is the advice I got from my DB coach and as I finally learned to implement it, I got some good results. It's a process.
How did YOU get through or end the A you had? How long did it take?
What about hiring a DB coach for some specific advice? They're super helpful.
And as for money, I have mixed feelings. We don't want her to cake eat, but My main concern is that the girls are alright...what are your 180s? How are the girls handling all this?
Keep posting b/c you are in the right place. I'll try to track down your thread somewhere... Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
