H is behaving badly. H sent me a formal sounding emai this week confirming that he was coming to get his belongings this week, explaining that this is costing him a lot, and reiterating that he doesn't want anyone here, but me. After having thought about it, I wasn't so keen on spending three days alone with a man who verbally abuses me, so I told him some of my friends would be stopping by to check on my well being. He blew up. He went on about if I didn't feel safe I should have the sheriff come out. (I'm one of those people who would rather risk being hit than have the neighbors see the police at my house.) Anyway he's been acting more and more aggressive toward me, but the verbal abuse has been getting worse over the years and is the main reason I'm leaving him. He's never struck me and maintains a pride point about it--even going so far as to tell me back when I first started complaining about the verbal abuse that "I wasn't being abused,unless he struck me." At any rate, he's been angrier and more irrational since I filed and the fact his mind went from "well being" to "sheriff" made me wonder. I asked him if I should be concerned and told him that he can't yell, make accusations,etc. I also told him I'd meet my friends elsewhere if he could guarantee good behavior. That just made him angrier so he sent me back a screed with bold words,exclamation points etc.about how I yell at him and how he has to out up with me -- typical verbal abuser response, but he did say he didn't intend to hurt me.
I know two things about him that are relevant to the situation. First, he will lie about his intentions, because be lies to himself as much as me. Second, he is experiencing LB rage in addition to his normal nastiness. He probably won't make it the weekend without blowing up and I'm no longer 100% sure he isn't capable of physically hurting me. I haven't been able to admit it until recently, but he does frighten me... sometimes more than others, but now more than ever. I'm trying to cut him some slack for being hurt, all the while trying to maintain my rights and safety. I want to cooperate on the divorce to make it as easy on both if us as possible, hence my agreement to help him separate and pack things this weekend. On the other hand, I'm not sure this is the best thing for me personally. I feel sick.
After several nasty toned snails from him we're on day one. He's been moody and taking minor cheap shots at me and he refuses every kind gesture. He unpacked what I had packed -- his perogative I guess. He told me he doesn't want my help moving boxes from downstairs, because he wants them moved right --I guess it's like brain surgery -- but I'll still help if he comes to his senses. He also refused coffee and breakfast I made, because he had to take off somewhere, so I'm just supposed to wait for him or hear about how uncooperative I was. No win situations and inability to coordinate plans-- two more reasons I want a D. Thanks for letting me rant. LBers and WAs, please remember that these things are painful enough for everyone without pettiness. If everyone tries to be big about it, it's much better.
