7 Years in. Time to give up ?

[irishblessings]

David,
I have hesitated posting here - I am so very sorry for the position in which you find yourself. I understand very much about faith, honesty, family - etc. My concern for you here is that I see you wearing blinders when it comes to XW. Not that you don't acknowledge her flaws and weaknesses - not that you aren't attempting to be a support system for her. More over the fact that after EVERYTHING she still has a place in your day to day. You share a child - an adult child - who has all but said she should not be in your life. You have by all accounts been a wonderful, strong father to this young man. But by continuing to turn inward towards her and engrossing yourself in this situation you deny yourself another day of finding a life to with someone who shares your same values and beliefs and commitments. And I know they are out there.

I think we can both agree and believe that any marriage who suffers these kinds of strains and who both partners commit to sticking it out and working through all the pains will come out on the other end a better product. I think we both believe in most cases keeping the family in tact is, in the end, - a better choice. BUT - we don't have that choice any longer because it was taken away by the other person. She is not looking to come back to you - your "paranoia" is appropriate. I would not get in counseling with her - I would set up strong boundaries that allow you to move forward without the interference of a very sick individual.

I pray for your happiness and your health - the further away you move from the illness the healthier you will be.