Ancient Egypt The Egyptians used the lotus to symbolize the sun and rebirth and it was also a symbol of Upper Egypt. There are three creation legends that share similarities, in which the lotus's symbolism is expressed. In one creation legend, the sun rose out of a lotus that had grown from a watery chaos. The next legend, which originated from Heliopolis, states that from the infinite ocean Nun, a lotus rose along with dirt mound. The lotus bloomed revealing the sun-god Atum. The third legend, which comes from Hermopolis, differs from the second legend only by saying Ra came from the lotus. In writing, the lotus was used to represent numbers. One lotus meant 1,000, while a bush with two lotus flowers meant 2,000.
Buddhism In Buddhism, lotus flowers mean purity of speech, mind and body rising above the waters of desire and attachment. The lotus is one of the Eight Auspicious Symbols. Different colors of lotus are symbolically used to represent aspects of perfection. There are four colors, which are pink, blue, red and white. Red represents the heart--its purity, original nature, compassion, passion, love and other qualities. White symbolizes spiritual perfection and complete mental purity. Pink represents the Buddha and is the supreme lotus. Blue means wisdom, knowledge and victory over the senses.
Hinduism Lotuses in Hinduism symbolize prosperity, beauty, fertility, eternity and eternal youth. Like Buddhism, it also means purity and divinity. A lotus is often used analogously for how people should live. One book that does this is the Bhagavad Gita at 5.10, where it states: "One who performs his duty without attachment, surrendering the results unto the Supreme Lord, is unaffected by sinful action, as the lotus leaf is untouched by water." Lotuses are also used to represent chakras, or the body's energy centers.
To be continued...
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Thank you for the tribute! It was most unexpected!
Haha, anytime!
I started this thread last night with a few things on my mind, then I got interrupted and never got them down on paper. This morning....the thoughts must have been misplaced in my dreams.
W hasn't sent any pics or texts since picking D up on Thursday. I guess I shouldn't have those expectations, just that she did say "I'll send pics" as she left.
I wonder if she received my response to the D petition before she left, and if that has anything to do with her silence.
I'm sure her mental/emotional plate is pretty full right now as they "celebrate" her moms BDay. They are at a friend of MIL's house on the coast. The friend also lost her husband a couple years ago. It has to be a strange situation.
I can't help but wonder what W thinks as she is around two women who's husbands died, while she is choosing to leave hers.... Bad thoughts, I know.
I was able to get out of work a little early and get in a round of golf before it got dark. I played with an older guy who works at the course. It was a really fun round. I played pretty well, and the old guy was a lot of fun.
I can wonder what I really want so bad sometimes. I question whether I just want to "win" more than anything else.
I guess all this turned into was a scrapping of my brain. Mostly counterproductive thoughts and mind reading.
Time to get busy today...
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I think you are right to wonder if the 2 widows will have any effect on your wife. It's pretty much human nature for women to complain about their husbands, but usually, widows miss the man and he becomes a lot better in hindsight. I remember once when I was at the hairdresser's, she was telling me about a widow who complained all the time about her husband. But after he died, all she could talk about was how they danced in the kitchen every night! Memory is a funny thing!
I can wonder what I really want so bad sometimes. I question whether I just want to "win" more than anything else.
That's really interesting. What/why do you think you're trying to win? Mind reading's not all that bad when you can counteract it yourself. I feel like it's a good exercise in refuting one's own illogical thoughts.
You sound like you're doing well, CS. Glad to see you got some fun leisure time in too.
That's really interesting. What/why do you think you're trying to win?
I guess it has to do with the type of person I am. Very competitive. TBH, I don’t know what is driving me sometimes. I made the comment after thinking about what would happen if W decided today to come home. It is actually a terrifying thought. Not sure where we would even start to put the pieces back together. That is what made me start thinking, what do I really want so badly?
This weekend I can only say was ‘OK.’
Weather was not what it should be for Memorial Day weekend so it had a weird feel to it.
W did not contact me while she was at the coast, and then called when she was on her way home. She said there was no cell service there, which I can understand knowing where they were.
I met her to pick up D. She seemed to be in a bit of frantic mood. Talking a million miles a second. She said her mom had times where she was able to laugh and smile, so that was nice. I asker how she was doing and got the same response I’ve gotten before. “OK, it comes in waves.” When I asked, I brushed her hair out of her eyes. I did it without thinking and then afterwards felt a little weird about it, but oh well…
I did/said some things this weekend that made me feel uncomfortable, and made me realize it is time for me to step back.
The night I had D, I sent her a video of D and the dog. She said how great it was and to give them both a kiss for her. I said will do and then “the 3 of us will be thinking of you tonight.”
She said thanks, and that she was actually doing pretty well that night.
Then on Monday when we were scheduled to meet to drop D back off, I sent her a message that we were heading out early and going to the park, asking if she could meet us there. I left it vague not asking for her to spend time with us at the park, just as an alternate meeting place, but I was actually hoping she might offer to meet us early and join us for a walk. She did not, said, “OK, I’ll meet you there at X:XX” I just said “Cool, see you there.”
D, dog and I took a walk in the park and then settled in an open field where D and the dog could run around. I brought the camera and took some great shots of them.
We then headed back to the truck to meet W. W showed up and it was a fairly uneventful meeting. She did comment again on how much she liked the video I sent and how she showed it to all of her coworkers. I told her about the pictures I had just taken of D in the park and said I would send her some. She said she also had some good pics of D at the coast and would send me some as well.
She said hi to the dog and I made a comment about her coming by to play with her some day. She said yeah, but not enthusiastically and again I felt like I had crossed the line.
Later that night she texted me asking a question about D. I responded to it, and then sent her a couple pics I had taken of D. She liked them of course, but IDK, felt like I was pushing.
IDK, like I said, I just started feeling uncomfortable. I need to start backing off for ME. I have been focusing WAY too much on her, and not enough on me. This had me in a sour mood last night, with thoughts of saying things to her that I thankfully did not. Wanting to tell her how much I miss her. I was way too close to doing so at times.
A mental backslide for certain, but I know what I need to do. Back to ME. Give myself a break from this drama.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I mentioned this to you earlier country. It seems fairly obvious to me by your posts that , Yes you are there for support and being the best person you can be, but i also get an underining hint that you are hoping for a response from her.
Im not saying that that is the only reason you are being nice, its just that I get the feeling that you get disappointed when the desired response doenst come your way. If im misreading, I apologize as you know I would never say something to just p1ss you off.
Keep doing what you are doing without the expectations and you will be just fine. I know how tough it is country. I miss her like crazy as well. I dont see how they can replace the history we had together but in time, I think they will see this. Might be too late by then.
Just keep focussing on yourself dude. Its the only way.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
