Well Chris if you agree with what many of us say we saw, AND you agree with your wife, then yes apologize. Once. Make no "I" statements or put in anything of working this out.
If you don't agree with her or us...then...up to you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
No I agree....I called her and apologized to her on the phone. Told her I didnt expect any kind of response but that I was very sorry for twisting things that way. That she has every right to be disgusted by me/be angry with me.
Chris, your biggest enemy right now is your fear and your anxiety. This is why it is important you work on yourself and get your head clear.
For your W, there are two BIG things you need to learn.
1. LISTEN. REALLY LISTEN. CAREFULLY.
2. Empathize. Understand HER feelings. HER fears. HER hurt.
Erase all timelines in your head. Those timelines are based on what YOU want and when YOU think it should happen. It doesn't work that way. These timelines will only add to your fear and anxiety.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I said I wouldn't post again, but this really takes the cake.
Just do your wife a favor and steer clear of her until you get a handle on the horse sh!t you are writing to her and her.
It's STILL all about you, and even when people tell you it's all about you, you act like --oops, I didn't know.
You act like you want advice but don't take it.
You act like you want to listen and then blast through an email that's all about you and none of the concerns your wife raises.
You act like you are a child caught in some terrible naughty thing, but soon your wife will come out of the fog and all will be good.
If you used have the brain power you did to deceive your wife that you do in ignoring her requests, you marriage might have a chance.
You said your wife had a lot more class than me. Well, I feel sorry that her class drove you into the skirts of another woman. You can expect your wife to get a helluva lot more vulgar as the shock wears off and the survival instinct kicks in.
She'll start to see the way you hid time, money, feelings, and sexual activity in a logical way. If you think this is mean, you might need to brace yourself. Trust me and others who have been through this path.
For the record, did you ask for such specific advice on how to have an affair?
If you had never done it before, surely you must have learned it from somewhere else.
Why don't you use the same strategy you did for cheating that you do for repairing your marriage.
Unless the reason is...you don't really want it.
Read that thing you wrote to your wife again.
Would have ever written something so cold-hearted to your lover (before you decided you no longer wanted her, but not so bad that you didn't tell your wife).
You have the capability - now do you have the commitment - cheating is indeed a commitment you can compare this to.
Chris, your biggest enemy right now is your fear and your anxiety. This is why it is important you work on yourself and get your head clear.
For your W, there are two BIG things you need to learn.
1. LISTEN. REALLY LISTEN. CAREFULLY.
2. Empathize. Understand HER feelings. HER fears. HER hurt.
Erase all timelines in your head. Those timelines are based on what YOU want and when YOU think it should happen. It doesn't work that way. These timelines will only add to your fear and anxiety.
What HE ^^^^^ said...please read this and what Jack and others have told you...AND please don't keep saying you know you "disgust" her. Doesn't need repeating.
But learn to be quiet and speak much less. Just stop yourself if you've made a statement b/c You don't need to say it in 5 ways.
You should and could have waited to send an answer to her. ALWAYS run them by here or somewhere, first. We'd have stopped you from writing that thing you wrote.
You seem impulsive, and that's something else you might want to work on. That and just listening. That means that a lot of times you don't need to reply to her, let alone right away. Make sense?
You have only been here a month (actually it was May 5th, right? Not even one month. No way could anyone expect her to feel "Comfortable" around you or affectionate. That's too fast. It's not a reasonable expectation on your end, or hers (don't tell her that). Finally, even if she truly feels this way now, it does not mean it's an immutable fact. Things change. Feelings do. In time.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
