Just read your post from start to finish and it mirrors my sitch almost completely. The way it plays out from early in the year to now is just how mine was and is. Your perception of early progress, the drip-drip-drip decline of your relationship, the gradual increase in importance of the once 'just good friend' OM and finally onto the 'I'm done' statement. Everything that has happened to me since January.
I know where you are man. I'm feeling the same things you're feeling. I still have not given up hope but with everyday that passes I feel it slipping further and further away.
Only we can make the decision when to stop this and finally move on. The scary bit is not knowing whether we could move back again if things changed.
FF999
Me 48 W 49 D19, S17, D14 Together 25yr, Married 22yr Me checked-out July 10, back Sept 10 W checked out Nov 10 Separated Dec 10 ILYBNILWY 2nd Apr 11 We're finished + D bomb 17th Apr 11
I feel like I'm suffering from PTSD or something. I've been cycling in between numb and shaky to feeling relatively normal within a few hour time span. It took all my strength not to cry at work yesterday morning, but the afternoon was perfectly fine. It's a good thing it's slow at work because half the time all I can do is stare at my screen.
During those 'unfogged' moments, I've been reading some comedy books and decided to look into meetup.com. They have a running group that meets on Wednesdays at a local brewpub I like. I joined up and will start next week. My previous routine was to go to various bars/pubs on Wednesday nights with our group of friends, but I don't feel I can do that anymore due to W and/or OM being there.
Just got off the phone with a friend who is traveling around the world with his dad. Caught him up with my sitch, it was great to be able to talk to someone I've known for 35+ years even though he's literally on the other side of the world (NZ).
Next IC appointment isn't until Wednesday. Hope I can stay sane until then
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Day 5 of Full Dark (no stars) and I can say that I'm feeling fine. Not great, but not bad or numb. I've got a four day weekend and just the fact that I didn't have to use an alarm this morning was a great start to the day!
I was thinking last night that I don't think W will actually get a L and file for D. I truly think she was lashing out, just based on her past behaviours. I think the point of my thought process, though, was to let myself know that I'll be fine either way. Who knows, she could surprise me
Foo, just noticed your previous response. I've also wondered if I'd really go back after all of this. For most of this nightmare, I'd have jumped back in without hesitation. I think this was the fear talking though. I really don't know now. I think now, my bigger fear is starting up a R with someone else. I know I'm not ready for that, but I'm not sure I'd have the strength to stop myself if it did happen. I'm turning into my own WAS!
Such a nice lazy day to myself, no firm plans or things that need to get done. I could get used to this...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Yeah dark, damp, cold and raining. LOL I have a ? for U...I have seen several times that U post about being shakey, numb, etc. I'm just wondering if its a medical problem. Absolutely NOT giving any medical advise... but wondering when the last time you saw a Dr.
The reason I ? this is maybe this is medical vs emotional Just an idea....could be the combination of both
sunny, first, I refuse to wear a jacket at the end of May, this is ridiculous
I'm guessing these are stress/shock/anxiety issues more than anything. The numbness is more emotional than physical. I had a full blown panic attack once and these are like mini versions.
That said, I am on ADs and seeing a psychiatrist every few months. Also see allergy/ashtma doc every six months, she seems to tell me more than my family doc ever did. And I do have a long overdue physical coming up in a couple of weeks. All in all I think I'm physically fine.
Hardest decision I have to make today: where to have lunch I think it'll be a great weekend, I plan on making it one anyhow!
Thanks for checking in!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Yeah I wore a hooded sweatshirt yesterday and were gonna be sweating by Sat.? 89 on Sunday. really wierd weather everywhere.
I'm stalling....I dont wanna go to the camp....I'm letting hubby do what he has to do ..( Lots ) before i go. He seems to have it all together and is getting things done at his pace. See, I have changed In prior years i would have been screaming by now.........lol Now, I'm asking for what i want and need done and hes actually listening, and doing a few things before I ask.
I actually read Chapmans 5 LL the other day ( See I'm not too old to learn ) and my LL is service...When he does something for me whether it be to take the garbage out, haul my grain for the animals or something as simple as picking up his dirty clothes laying around the living room. Makes me happy!
Simple huh
His LL ( I think ) I'm still trying working on that, Is physical and attention. He's a cuddler and loves to be listened to....and thats sooooo easy to do.
Foo, just noticed your previous response. I've also wondered if I'd really go back after all of this. For most of this nightmare, I'd have jumped back in without hesitation. I think this was the fear talking though. I really don't know now. I think now, my bigger fear is starting up a R with someone else. I know I'm not ready for that, but I'm not sure I'd have the strength to stop myself if it did happen. I'm turning into my own WAS!
I'm thinking along the same lines. I know I'm not ready for a full-on R with anybody, but I do think that if someone came along right now I would jump at the chance. I just want a boost to my self confidence and to feel that there is a life & a world outside of my current state of melancholy. Who knows it may make my W a little jealous although she seems to be so wrapped up with the OM right now I doubt it.
FF999
This is my 40th post now so hopefully I won't have to wait the usual 3-4 days for it to appear.
Me 48 W 49 D19, S17, D14 Together 25yr, Married 22yr Me checked-out July 10, back Sept 10 W checked out Nov 10 Separated Dec 10 ILYBNILWY 2nd Apr 11 We're finished + D bomb 17th Apr 11
sunny, yes, 5LL struck a huge chord with me. I used to think W was lazy when she'd ask me to do simple things like get out of bed to turn off the lights or similar. I'd think, why the h3ll can't she get out of bed to do it? I realized after reading 5LL that acts of service was one of her LL. I used to do all sorts of things around the house, but unfortunately her other LL was quality time, and I spent more time keeping up house than having fun. Balance would have helped I guess.
My LLs turned out to be physical touch and affirmations, possibly due to them being sorely lacking during childhood. It really stung when I couldn't even get W to hold hands or snuggle next to me. Grr.
I love camping, but I don't think I can do it for a while. It was about a year ago that I think W's EA started at a group camp activity with about a dozen of us. I found it odd that her and OM walked around the campground until dawn talking, but didn't think I had any reason to be concerned. Hindsight, meet 20/20!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
