Won't stand for a broken family

[25yearsmlc]

TTT (T3)
oh, the military service? Thanks and you are welcome.

I would back off big time and wait for him to be very clear, over time, before i'd want him back, IF you do.

You have to pull back T3, he's NOT ready.

Also, the "diagnosis" of MLC is, to me, almost useless. In fact it might be counter productive since most people think it means that its more likely to result in reconciling, but I don't know if there's evidence to support that.'
I see a lot of lbsers waiting a LONG time for change in the "MLC'er" and confusing "standing" with standing still, or waiting, or doing nothing and just hoping...


More importantly, your approach is the same if he's a WAS or an MLCer. So why all the talks about what your bil feels or thinks b/c he's got a new degree in human behavior? I mean I probably would have done the same at the time but in retrospect spending time on what my h was doing/feeling/planning/ and how could he? Why? Blah blah blah could have been spent on MY LIFE and MY FUTURE and MY KID'S...such a waste of my time. And time is short b/c tomorrow is promised to no one.

Why spend energy diagnosing him, when you could be spending it on your 180s and GAL? Having fun with your d's?

What if you don't do ANY temperature taking of the R? What if you let HIM DO ALL of that?

For the sake of how you act around him, what if you just Assume he's lost for awhile and you guys will "probably" divorce...you are "resigned" to it in the same way you are resigned to your bff not quitting smoking. You are NOT devastated or terrified. You regret it, mostly for his sake, but it's not your problem and you accept it.

Make sense? IOW, you're sad[i] for him especially, but you are also busy b/c You are looking forward to your new life, your new interesting friends you meet when you go to those cool exciting places and do the fascinating things you are now doing? [/i]

Takes the pressure off, and you can just move forward. If he catches up, and does the work (which you will KNOW b/c he'll have clarity, probably only happen ONLY if he fears losing you), then great...

If not, you won't have wasted any more time on HIS LIFE CHOICES...just focus on your own.

Make sense?