This might sound hard, and it is but not as a 4x4.
This is the consequence of your choice.
Awest is right Time and consistency of your action.
Advice:
Stop telling her about who is calling you, stop telling her what your doing on the computer. Point in fact, I'd see it, if it was done to me as a reminder of what happened. Tell her if she asks, but stop informing her.
Pull back just a little, but be transparent when she asks.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It isn’t that I feel uncomfortable around you. I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore. It is harder with your mom around. I keep waiting for her to bring it up and I know she wants me to forgive you and forget everything happened but I just can’t. Right now I am tired of trying to make this marriage work. It has been almost a month and I truly don’t feel any different then I did when I first found out. I don’t want you living out of your car. We are so far behind on bills that neither one of us can climb out of it alone. You are right I don’t want you touching me, at all. The thought still disgusts me. That is what I am having the most trouble with. You didn’t think twice at putting yourself or me at risk when you slept with her, twice. I do still think I want a divorce, I just don’t know how to do it with out destroying us all. I don’t want the kids to have to move out of the house, or change schools. I feel that if I stay with you I am destroying myself. Giving up every ounce of dignity I have, all my self respect. Not only that what am I teaching Emma, that it is ok to let a man completely disrespect her and that it is ok. And Jacob that it is ok to disrespect a women. I just can’t do that. The more you push the more I want out. I feel like I can’t even have a minute to my thoughts or feelings. I have told you this and told you this and I don’t know what to do anymore.
Thanks Jack I guess I was going into overkill a little bit.
I dont know what to say to her. I really dont feel so lost and so sad that I have hurt her so badly. I want to comfort her because she is my friend but how do you do that after you have broken their heart?
Break down her email, line by line and see what she is saying.
See what she needs. Be worried about some of it, but not fearful.
Give her the things you can give her. Oh...and REALLY give it to her not some false words you forget about at your convienence. We tend to do that.
Take your time, but respond and validate.
These are my words, not yours, I am not suggesting you use them, and even if you ignored me, right now is not the right time at all.
"Not only that what am I teaching Emma, that it is ok to let a man completely disrespect her and that it is ok. And Jacob that it is ok to disrespect a women. I just can’t do that."
She is right about this, and wrong as well. We teach our children forgiveness too. When something is worth it to fight for it. Not to overlook the sin, but to come to forgive it if the sinner is truely remorseful. And to be wary of it until trust is rebuilt.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I am so sorry that I have put you through this. I understand that I disgust you and make you sick. Your right at the time I was only thinking of myself. That was wrong….I know my Mom wont say anything to you she only says to me. Carrie, I am not trying to push you…my anxiety level is so high right now I shake all the time. The stress is high and so is the tension. I am trying to give you space but I feel awkward like I am in your way all the time. A month is not that long to deal with something of this depth, that is why I was talking about counseling so we or you could get a objective point of view to air things out and figure this out. I will sleep on the couch from now on if it is easier. I don’t think you are teaching the kids anything about this because they know nothing about this. I don’t want our kids to learn those things either, but I do want them to learn forgiveness and (not forget) learning to get past hardship and disappointment. Two things neither one of us is very good at. I don’t want you to feel as if you are sacrificing your morals or being for this relationship. But I know that we can find a way to work this out and get stronger. But unless we take the first step (i.e. counseling) it will never be unstuck. It is no secret that I don’t want a divorce and pray everyday for a way to fix this or find a new start for us. I just need to hear your voice . Sitting in a house with you so quiet is so very difficult for both of us, but I understand that your not feeling very chit chatty this days. I wish I could turn back time and make this all better but I cant. I broke us but I know that it can be fixed. We just need a lot of support to do it. Please Carrie don’t give up on us.
