Telemark - first you need to forgive yourself. You have already apologized to your W. She should take your apology as an invitation. MWD says forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself. It sounds like she's been harboring a lot over the years, and now she has all this baggage that is going to eat her up inside until she unloads it. She will always carry this baggage and continue to accumulate it until she is able to forgive.
