I thought about a polar bear for less than a minute...there, done.
It's not complicated Harrier. Training...why not start now?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Jack, 25 I was being a tad glib. I was reading an article a while ago about the “”white bear” experiment and what 25 said reminded me of it. I know it’s hard, and I know guys know that too. And Yes 25 your longs post give me a lot to chew on…I actually like reading them. Funny I had a similar thought at lunch today. I went running, as usual, it was about 85 and fairly humid. I was dying out there. After about 4 miles I thought to myself. Damn this is hard. Quickly the other side of my brain says, “No Sh!t, it’s hard. It’s supposed to be that way. It if were easy you’d see everyone out here running. S*ck it up nancy
Your whole time apart got me thinking about me, my W the marriage, etc. I had kinda an epiphany. But I do get the basic of the plan. We are still planning a family trip to DC in August. But no use waiting. My parents are divorce and I have 4 siblings. I did see a lot forgiveness growing up and what is strange is that as general rule I don’t hold grudges. I learned to get over things very quickly. But about my wife and her EA, I haven’t yet. I need to
I was wondering about this
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
I read your 180s and some of them are great, but you are missing out on some of the ones you probably need to do the most
I’m not getting what those are.
I get what you are saying about my W, she hasn’t verbalized that to me, but I see that she needs to have trust in me.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
a 180 you didn't list was that you won't initiate any R talk. That's a nice specific one too, as opposed to saying you'll be "more supportive" of w. Most of your 180's sounded a tad general to me. Not "bad" but so general I'm not sure how you'd measure them.
Also the GAL stuff, for me, was most helped by things that got me with other people, esp new people who didn't know our m issues. I didn't see yours as being mentally stimulating enough in the sense that they'd get your mind off of the situation. I totally see the need for exercise, good for you.
I was a fanatic about the GAL stuff. I don't think I was ever as busy in my life, now that I think about it. It was the most work I ever did just to feel okay...but I did. It made everything else easier. And I got in great shape (the single good thing about the whole nightmare was the "Grief diet"...)
Does that help?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
it would be great if we could send private messages somehow. Any chance?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
a 180 you didn't list was that you won't initiate any R talk. That's a nice specific one too, as opposed to saying you'll be "more supportive" of w. Most of your 180's sounded a tad general to me. Not "bad" but so general I'm not sure how you'd measure them.
I see, I guess I write down the general, but do the specific. like "be supportive of my W's career" my action is - negotiation with my W one night a week that she could work late worry free. When she got home I wouldn't get on her case about work. No r talk is good No crying in front of W, maybe?
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Also the GAL stuff, for me, was most helped by things that got me with other people, esp new people who didn't know our m issues. I didn't see yours as being mentally stimulating enough in the sense that they'd get your mind off of the situation. I totally see the need for exercise, good for you.
Running can be mentally stimulating. But admittedly this is an area where I struggle. With 2 small kids at home, it can be hard sometimes. I'm not interested in taking a class, learning a new sport/skill, meeting new people. Ill think on this
My attempt at GAL last year was a failure. why? I was taking classes on how to be a guardian ad litem for kids in contested divorces. yeah not smart.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I think your ideas are good. Narrow down to get the specifics, good. I feel that given your situation, crying in front of your w is not a good thing right now. It makes you second guess whether she's pitying you or really feeling things so if you eliminate the crying in front of her (and crying in the next room isn't a lot better. Go running or pretend to...but don't cry in front of her. It has not helped your sitch so we know it does not work. ALso, something tells me she wants a stronger H. Sorry but the whole mentor issue and the way she seems to react to the tears makes me feel that way...SO good ideas Harrier, To be clear, please NO R TALK...can you do that for this weekend? YES YOU CAN... NO R TALK, and for this weekend, how about no snooping? Just re read that post I wrote about Palm Springs. You can do this. (remember, you can always snoop away and spiral out of control and obsess LATER...just not this weekend!). It's Memorial weekend, make some good memories.
But why do you resist an activity or class that means meeting new people? You could get one night a week, like you're giving your w?
Might be good for her to be home alone with the kids one night, without you AND without you having to leave the home, kwim?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016