The kids will be spending their first night with her tonight. They were their last night for a few hours and she brought them home. She is pressuring me to let them spend the night on weekdays. She leaves her apt a 5am and wants to lock them in until they wake up and then I can come get them. Well at this point, she left them, and this is their home, and right now its all about the kids and what is best for them. My s8 wakes up early in the summer and loves to be outside. If he is there, he has to go outside in a parking lot with people that he nor I know. When he is home, its a private neighborhood, with friendly neighbors that keep an eye out. The police patrol the area all day. If he wants to go outside here, I am home with him. My job allows me to leave later in the morning. It is also not fair to my two older kids to have to wake up early on summer break to keep an eye on him. At this point, it is about their safety. My D14 looks like a 21 year woman. People pay attention in apt complexes. They see her take three kids up there at night, and see her leave at 5am. I am not going to give in on this issue. On week nights she can keep them until 9:30 and then bring them home or I will go pick them up. On weekends they can spend the whole night as she will be there with them.
I will continue to work on myself and keep my kids hearts in mind. I will not allow her to argue in front of them, and work hard to protect them.
Before she left, she asked about why I was showering everynight before getting in the bed. In the past, I would fall asleep in chair or not shower everynght. For the past two months, I have been showering everynight and sleeping in the bed. Something she always complained about. I have also lost 30 pounds, she made a comment the day she walked out, that I looked good, and didnt need to loose any more weight.
When she dropped the kids off last night, I was standing on front porch smoking, with no shirt on, with a pair of jeans on that were unbuttoned. I couldnt help but notice the way she was looking at me.
Tonight is a big night for her, having the kids stay over for the first time. But she will now have to think about what I am doing while I dont have them. Its funny, as long as I have them she knows I can GAL, that why she hasnt been pushing real hard to have them.
After her rant on the phone yesterday, I advised her that what is happening now is reality. And everything stems from her decision she made on Saturday to leave. I didnt ask her to leave nor did I force her. She will soon realize that the fog and fairytale was just that. I have god guidance, I have you guys, and three wonderful children to pull me through.
At this point, I will detach completly, not answer the phone when she calls. I told her yesterday, that I didnt want to talk to her unless it pertained to the kids, and I did not want to see her unless it was in transition of kids.
She is definately seeing life for the decisions she made. I will leave it up to GOD and his way. I pray to God everyday to bring her to him, and then bring her to me. Without her going to GOD first, she will not come back to me.
