Regarding the name change, why don't you two compromise and change your D's last name to #. Easy to say, easy to write.
Truth is, many, many people (waaay too many) get divorced. The kids, stuck in the middle, have to put up with the parents. Regardless of whether your D is 3, 13 or 23. There is NO reason to change her name. Kids live with the last name they were born with ALL the time in divorces. I have never heard that as being traumatizing. If you really want, I'd refer you to a child psychologist to indicate whether it's important for your child's future to have her name changed.
Nuff said on that...
As far as visitation. Hey, I totally get that your family now has 200 miles between you.
Before you start believing your W's suggestion that you are being unreasonable, consider a few things.
A child's development is BEST when they have the MOST amount of time with BOTH parents. Plain and simple.
You and your W are no longer "normally" married. Extra curricular (EC) for your D is no longer a priority above time with her mom and dad.
This is my opinion, but as far as I'm concerned, EC now has to take a back seat to spending time with her parents. So I would say, pull her from all EC until the visitation schedule is worked out. Then and ONLY THEN, can EC be added into her life, where it fits around visits. And EC will be scheduled by your W when D3 is in her care, and scheduled by you when D3 is in your care.
NEVER should your D3's EC take priority over possible visits to you, as you should NEVER plan EC for your D3 if it interferes with your W's time with D3.
If EC takes priority from family, what would that be teaching your D for her future relationships?
